Michfest 40: The Final Countdown * Chix: The Revolution (Part 6)

Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I’m walking over the Brooklyn Bridge heading home from my sometime-y day gig and I’m on the phone with my girl Po-Hong. We hadn’t talked in a while so walking over the bridge was a good way to get a good long catch up in and take in the scenery. In the midst of the convo in pops Fest and what it has done for us, and how we are in some deep denial about it ending. I started to wax nostalgic about it all when she reminded me that she had only gone twice, but since going her whole life changed. I had gone for 9 years and I can say the exact same thing, but what of the women who grew up there? I mean what of the women who went through their 20s and 30s there? I mention this because when I think about my 20s and 30s and how pivotal a time in my life that was it’s astounding. I mean I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to think about leaving New York. I grew up here. I’ve now lived here longer than the town I was raised in. New York is home.

If you went to the land for the first time in your teens (as was Lisa when she started the damn thing), or in the 20s, that is EVERYTHING. In my 20s there was no stopping me! Everything was doable and I knew it. I was very clear about it even in my uncertainty. I changed how I ate, I started making my own music, I was singing in bands, I started writing music, I was working out and staying out late. Drinking and carrying on hunny, and it was good! Really it was amazing! Everything about that time is amplified and romanticized, but at the time that Festival was started I’m sure it was like a tall glass of ice cold water on a hot ass day! I mean think about it. It’s 1976 and there they were. Creating a world of their own. One that was safe, testosterone free, free of sexism, free of homophobia, free of the stresses of every day life, free to commune among the trees with your sisters. Free! Sound like Utopia right? Well of course it does. But was it Utopia, of course it wasn’t, but that doesn’t matter to make my point here. The point is that these women created a world. They made their own Paradise Island in the woods. They created a safe haven in a world where things were not safe for women in general and lesbians in specific on a daily basis. It was everyone working together. The workers, the artists and the festival-goers. It was that combined energy that made Lisa say she would “never do it again” and then do it 39 more times. How do you say no to that kind of community? How do you turn your back on that deep of an intention? You don’t. You carry on. So again, I am thinking about these women and those who are a part of this legacy. Those who also invested with love (in all the ways it shows up) and sweat equity. Those like Shirley and Juanita and Julie and Myrna and Connie and Jenn and Bob and Sam and Chewy and Falcon and Aleah and Yaniyah and Martha and B.E. and Bonnie and Penny and Ubaka and Pat and Myrna and Deb and Karen and Cassandra and Alyson and Martha and Qween and Terri Lynn and Jill and Kelly and Tory and Sue and Shira and Emily and Felicia and Susan and so on and so on and so on and so on who loved and fought and hugged and kissed and made up and broke up and mended fences and cried and laughed and healed and danced and married and separated and had babies and left all kinds of trouble behind, and worked till they were exhausted and partied the same way, found a way out of no way and protected each other as it were the last days on earth.  Trailblazers. Career breakers. Business owners. I feel like I am rambling on, but I must say this. For me, these women Sweet Honey in the Rock, Linda Tillery, Casselberry-Dupree, Toshi Reagon, Ruthie Foster, Vicki Randle, Karen Williams, Mimi Gonzalez, Marga Gomez, for me, they are the ones. Some I knew about and others I learned about when I got to the land. You can’t be a black girl and not know Sweet Honey, but you can be a black girl and not know about Linda Tillery or Casselberry-Dupree so I learned. I got hip to so many artists I should have known, but did not know at all. I was schooled and I loved every waking and sleeping moment of it under the stars.

Pre-Night Stage love with Cris Williamson

Saturday August 8th (Continued…)
I got myself dressed and ready for Hanifah’s set. I’ve really been into jumpsuits and rompers lately so I found a little number at Mandy no less. I guess they are still “to the rescue.” You gotta be a New Yorker to get that joke, but anyway… I was still being as silent as possible as I prepared to hit the stage. As I said, Hanifah’s set and Chix were the only slots I was originally slated to do so no matter what, I had to make it work for tonight.

Hanifah is always great as usual! The crew for Fest this year was Christelle Durandy on keys & backing vox, DJ Rimarkable on Live & backing vox and me on tambourine, backing vox and shakers. Besides doing joints from her band St. Lo we also kicked into Irene Cara’s “Flashdance… What a Feeling!” Why? The flow of Hanifah’s set in part was about her time at the festival and what it has meant to her over the years. The set was a little emotional because I felt like it was full circle for me. When I first came to Fest 9 years ago I came with Hanifah. For some reason she chose me to be her bassist and honestly she is only one of three people I have ever played bass for besides myself. She will always have a special place in my heart for bringing me to Fest all those years ago.

Hanifah Walidah

I remember that first year thinking to myself that I didn’t know how I was going to get back to Fest, but I had to go back. Lo and behold, Hanifah was asked back two more times in a row for night stage and eventually I was invited to play on Day Stage with my band blaKbüshe!

I got through Hanifah’s set this year with no problem. My voice had worked, but now I needed to shut up again to make it through my songs on Chix Lix. I was just supposed to sing “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but Toshi asked me to sing with her for Chix and of course I said yes.

Between Hanifah and Chix was Ferron. Talk about beautiful. I was taken back to the first time I saw Ferron on night stage. In 2008 she shared the evening with Bitch and it was magical. Everyone, including me was in tears so you know it was magic. Anyway, this year was no exception. Since it was Saturday night, the last Night Stage ever, people were taking their time and Ferron did the same. She had an amazing set. I was supposed to be chilling just getting my voice together. I was quiet, but I had to see the set. When Ferron finished it was time for the last set of Chix Lix on Night Stage. Already? Already.

Ferron

I still wasn’t sure about my voice. I still wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sing the whole song. I was in my head and doing my best to get out of it because that was the only way I was going to make it through the song. As I said, I was singing “Every Woman” with Toshi first and then I got ready for my song. Chix was amazing that night! {SEE Chix Set List w/ Pics}. I mean I have been quite a few Chix and this was up there as one of the best in my book, but what else would it be? As we started to run down the songs it started to really sink in that this was it. This was really it and then I had to take a breath and compose myself again so I could get through.

When my song finally came up I knew I needed to take my time. As most of you know, I am known for wearing heals when I perform, but that night I wanted to feel the catwalk beneath my feet. So I sat on the edge of the stage and talked to the folks while I took off my shoes and then placed them next to Cathleen who was signing for Chix and then I started the song. I have to admit that it was a challenge at first. I was way deep in my head and I didn’t have time to stay there so I had to move into a different space quick. I had dancers that night so it was a big number. As I said, I sang “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but I changed the words to fit the feeling of the Festival. {READ my Remixed Michfest "Stronger" Lyrics}

Shoes off

After all my panic and concern everything worked out, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was challenging. When I’m performing I do my best to be as present as possible especially in situations like this. I want to remember as much as I can. You might be surprised at how many shows go by that I don’t remember a thing that happened. I needed to remember this. To that end, I do remember some of it. I remember walking down the catwalk and touching hands. I remember being at the end of it with the dancers behind me. I remember hoping that everyone was with me because although I could see in front of me it was dark and I couldn’t see behind me because the dancers were there. I did the best I could. I gave it everything that I had. I gave it all the love I had in me to give. I gave every last piece of myself and that was the best I could do. When I came off stage I was shaking my head and later C.C. asked me why I was doing that. She asked me if I thought I didn’t do well because she said it was amazing. I wasn’t shaking my head because I thought it was bad, but because that was it. Singing that night was challenging and I wanted it to come with a little more ease, but it was what it was and it was yet and still amazing. For the encore the girls came out and sang a medley of “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me ‘Round,” “Roar,” and “Amazon Womyn” the reboot and they were incredible. Then at the very end of "Amazon" we all came out had to hold on the last “Rise Again!” while we waited for the fireworks display and what a display it was. We’ve had fireworks at Fest in the past; that was nothing new, but it was the last fireworks we would see like that with those womyn in that place. With the fireworks came the waterworks. I can’t remember whose shoulder I cried on mine, but I do remember folks just standing on stage after it was all over. It was a real moment of disbelief about it all. A real, “What do we do now?” moment. I mean we all have lots to do. There is life going on while we are all on this land of ours and everyday it seems like the world is going more and more mad, but really, seriously (said in my best Bob voice), what do we do now?!

Rise Again!

Chix Lix Band: Revolution

I stood with everyone else just looking out over the crowd of women who slowly made their way back to their homes on the land. As I stood and looked to the sky and out over the people I saw these two young girls standing by the side of the stage looking as bewildered as the rest of us. So I walked over to them and asked their names. They said Emily and Emelia (I hope I am correct about the second name). I asked them how old they were and they said 13 and 14. I then asked them how long they had been coming to the festival and they said 13 years and 14 years respectively. So that was their whole life! What lucky girls. Then I asked them, “What are we going to do without summer camp?” Emily said she had no idea. Emelia said she hasn’t processed it all yet. I asked them where they lived. Emily said Minnesota and then just as quick she said, “You can come to my house and do a show. I have a bunk bed and you can sleep there!” At that moment I knew everything was gonna be alright. I asked them if they knew anyone with a farm and they said yes and I told them to find me on Facebook if they were allowed to be on there and let’s get this thing poppin’! It was such a wonderful moment, but really it made me think about all the little girls that had grown up there. It made me remember Ruby and Maddie and Zander and Jiji and Zuri and Cree and Naiobi and add your daughter, granddaughter or niece here.  Summer camp to the Nth degree.

I have been trying to explain to people for years that Michfest is much more than a music festival. It’s much more than the haters, misogynists and purveyors of negative vibrations of the world put out there about it. It was a magic place and although I might have overused the word magic in this post there is not a much better way to break it down.

After Night Stage on Saturday there is a party in the Belly Bowl for the workers. DJ Rimarkable made that joint happen out of her understanding that the workers needed that release at the end of the week. So for the last five years Ri has been bringing the workers a sweet release. But this year the party for me was bitter sweet. I didn’t dance a lot. I just wanted to remember my sisters dancing and singing and having a wonderful time together. Being free and open. It was a sight to behold and one I will hold in my heart for a good long time.

 Fireworks and Waterworks

Chix Lix: Revoulution (Song List)

Michfest 40

Chix Lix: Revolution

Songs (Not in Order)

1. Raise Your Glass by Pink (sung by Big Bad Gina w/ Gretchen Philips & Animal)

2. I'm Still Standing by Elton John (sung by Holly Hear)

3. Every Woman by Bernice Johnson Reagon (sung by Toshi Reagon, Shelley Nicole, Marcelle Davies-Lashley, Gina Breedlove)

4. Talkin' About Revolution by Tracy Chapman (performed by Bitch and C.C. Carter)

5. Shower the People you Love With Love by James Taylor 

(sung by Cris Williamson and Teresa Trull)

6. Sinnerman by Nina Simone (sung by Hanifah Walidah)

7. Revolutionary Feminist 70s TV Medly by BETTY

8. Woodstock by Joni Mitchell, Tuck & Patti (sung by Gina Breedlove and Christelle Durandy)

9. Earth Song by Michael Jackson (sing by Aleah Long and One World Inspirational Choir)

10. Stronger by Kelly Clarkson (sung by Shelley Nicole)

Encore: Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me 'Round/Roar/Amazon Womyn

Michfest 40: My Voice and Has Anybody Here Seen the Sunshine? (Part 4)

Friday August 7, 2015
I knew this would be a hectic day. I had sound check for Toshi’s set in the morning (why because I was “crashing” her set too), then I was reminded by Nívea that I was scheduled to be part of the artist panel on the WOC tent, so I did that at 11am, only to have to be at the WOC lodge at 12pm to talk to the women with Yaniyah about what they might experience in the lodge, etc. I usually sweat in that lodge, but after the previous day I realized I was good on the sweats for the week. Earlier in the day Holly Near confirmed that I could sing with her on her set (yes “crashing” this set as well), but there was a rehearsal that I needed to try to make later in the day. I thought I could do it all. It seemed possible, well nothing says time like land time. Yes you can make plans, but don’t cling to them. So what had happened was...

Toshi sound check

Yaniyah and I gave our talk and we got everyone set and ready to go into the lodge. There were enough fire keepers and some extra folks to help so I thought we were all good to go. When everyone was in, I stepped out of the area to get to the rest of the things on my list. I was trying to catch Holly’s rehearsal, but things took a little longer than I expected so I missed it. Luckily I ran into her in the Belly Bowl and she was able to give me the talk through. She also told me that Marcelle and Rhiannon were going to be doing a vox/tambourine number during her set! What??!!! I wanted to be down with that so bad, but not even Holly was involved so I surely wasn’t getting in. After our short talk I figured I would catch Mazz’s set on Day Stage before heading back to the lodge. I’m glad I did because it was killing! I was sad to miss Aima the Dreamer and Reina Williams (two of my faves), but I heard both sets from a distance.

MazzMuse

After Mazz’s set was over I headed back to the WOC lodge just in time for the third door to be open and some folks were out. As is the way of the lodge on the land, you can come out when the door opens if you need to and go back in if you like. It seemed that the third door was long, intense and hot because Shirley asked the fire keepers to open the West Gate to let the air flow through. I checked on a few women to see if they were going to go back in. Some were staying out and others started to make their way back to the lodge.

Without getting into all the details, when all the women who were going back in the lodge were in, something happened outside of the lodge and I had to then work with one of the women who stayed out to make sure she was OK. Again, without getting into all of it I will say that the entire incident just reinforced for me the kind of feelings that were whirling around on the land that week. The exchange with this woman, while I believe was very healing for her, was so intense that I think the incident contributed to me losing my voice. Yes, on Friday night after I finished with Toshi’s set, which I will tell you about, I lost my voice. I think I lost it because I didn’t speak up about what I felt happened that day at the lodge. I know for some of you reading this you might think that sounds crazy or a least really strange, but let me tell you about energy and the use of your voice vs. stuffing things down. I don’t care what the incident is, if things are going on in your face and you choose not to use your voice, you just may lose it; and if not your voice it will be something. The thing is that on the land everything is amplified, but so much is given to the ground, which helps. My mistake was that I didn’t give anything to the ground or the sky or the water I just kept it and it killed my voice at least for a little while. I know there were also other factors that could have contributed to me losing my voice. The dust out there, the weather that day, all the singing I was doing on other people’s sets that I wasn’t totally prepared for. All of these things could have been a factor, but I tell you I felt my voice leaving me as I walked away from the lodge that day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not walking away from the lodge ceremony all together. What I mean is that there will still be a lodge in Brooklyn and I will always take the opportunity to be in that ceremony whenever I can. I know how much power is in that circle. I didn’t panic. Well I did panic at first because the last time I lost my voice on the land I didn’t sing for a year and ended up having surgery. So honestly I did panic for a moment, but then my witches showed up and healing began.

On this day I had my final rehearsal with Hanifah and while we were in the rehearsal tent it started to rain like it was nobody’s business. It was at that moment that I started to think about the shows that were going to happen on Acoustic Stage because there is no tent covering there. Cris Williamson and Dance Brigade were scheduled that day and at that time, due to the amount of rain coming down, I figured that they would just cancel the shows on that stage for the day, which would be a bummer, but honestly the rain felt epic.

There are certain places that the Acoustic Stage sound travels, but toward the rehearsal tent is not one of them. So I wouldn’t know until much later that Cris’s show did go on, with workers from the stage standing over the musicians with umbrellas!

Yes hunny! These women held up umbrellas through the whole set. Instruments were covered with clear tarps and the show went on! I heard it was incredible and I’m sad I missed it, but I was glad that those who were willing to brave the rain got a show. Now as for Dance Brigade, they were not able to perform, but as luck would have it they were able to move their show to Saturday in the slot that Ferron was supposed to be in, and she was moved to Saturday night in place of Melissa Ferrick who couldn’t make it due to an injury. Wow! I felt bad for Melissa, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out, but I was glad that Dance Brigade got to do their thing and that Ferron would be headlining Night Stage one last time.


As time went on I could feel my voice slipping away, but I kept it moving. Elvira’s set was great and like Cris, she did it in the rain. The elements were supposed to let up by 8pm, but no dice. It just kept on coming. Sometimes it would slow down, but it surely wasn’t stopping. The duo of Elvira and Pam Parham her sign interpreter is one that I’m going to miss terribly. I hope there is a way for Elvira to take Pam with her wherever she goes. They are artistically made for each other.

Next up was Holly Near my secret girlfriend. No we are not nor have we ever dated, but she’s still my secret girlfriend. LOL. I love this woman so much! When I got on the land this year she was one of the first people I ran into. We talked for a while and that’s when she gave me an 80% invitation to sing on her set. I was praying for the other 20% and I got it. Holly asked me and a few others to sing on a medley of some of her most popular songs, which was wonderful! I wasn’t even mad about not being a part of the tambourine/vox hit because Rhiannon and Marcelle rocked that joint to the hilt! Daaayyyuummm! It rained pretty much through the whole set and people stayed. It was wonderful!

{Video: Marcelle & Rhiannon Tambouine/Vox Duo}

Then I stepped off and got ready for Toshi’s set. I asked Toshi before we got to the land if I could sing with her on her set. Why? A couple of weeks before Fest I went to see Big Lovely at Lincoln Center Out of Doors and then maybe a couple of weeks before that I sang with her and an amazing group of singers at Joe’s Pub for the Pete Seeger Sing-a-long. All I knew after both of those events was that I needed to sing with Toshi at Fest this year. So I called ahead and made a reservation so to speak and I’m glad I did because her set was off the chain! I sang with the band on the Pete Seeger song, “Which Side Are You On” and then I sang with them on “Sunshine,” which is one of my favorite Big Lovely songs! I was so amped! I was having a blast and that set went on! As I said, nothing was ending on time and nobody cared. It was pouring and Toshi sang, “Has anybody here seen the sunshine? Keeps shining in the pouring rain!” Perfect! Before the set closed we all left the stage except Toshi who broke out into her song “There and Back Again.” Yes indeed. We were going through.

Toshi in the rain!

Trust me when I tell you that more crying happened! Water on top of water.  I was all up in my feelings for sure after that set. Another day was done. We were that much closer to the end. I really couldn’t believe it. My voice was going and we would soon be leaving too. It was all too much.

Michfest 40: Sweat Lodge, WOC Tent and a Melting Me (Part 3)

Sunday, September 6, 2015
I am on my parents back porch in MA and I can hear the water fountain bubbling, which is attached to the Koi pond that my mother dug herself. I call her the black Martha Stewart. There is a grasshopper trying to write with me or at least he seemed chill enough until he launched headlong my way. Really son? My grandfather is inside asleep. My parents are also inside watching golf. Yes, these are my people. It’s peaceful out here in the yard. I can hear the sounds of nature. I haven’t been here in a while, but my mom asks me if I want to take home some kale so I know the crop from her square garden was good this year. Clearly she managed to keep the deer and other hungry wildlife neighbors out. I am home and thinking about home. Home, the place that will crack you open and you won’t even know what hit you. Home. The place where everyone knows your name, and can lift you up or tear you down with just one look. Home.

Thursday, August 6, 2015
This was supposed to be my chill day. No rehearsals, no set, which meant time to do whatever I wanted to do. I signed up to keep fire at the sweat lodge that morning for the moon lodge with Fyre. I actually wanted to sit the lodge, but I knew we needed morning help. Just to be clear, morning help means that you have to be at the fire and starting to get it going by 5am. So there was no hanging for me on Wednesday night. I had to go right to bed after Night Stage.

Thursday morning I woke up early and got myself down to the lodge. That day I was keeping fire with Sharon and sadly I can’t remember who else, but it could have been Lola or Laura. Anyway, Sharon told me she wanted to go in the lodge that day. I told her that I wanted to as well, but knowing that we needed fire keepers I just opted to sit out. Well we talked about it and decided that she would do two doors and I would do two doors. But somehow it worked out that Sharon was able to sit all four doors and I sat two. Well, let me tell you, those had to be two of the most powerful doors I have sat in a while because afterward I was just a ball of tears. OMG!

When I came out of the lodge, Shirley was coming up from the Womyn of Color (WOC) tent dedication. I heard the African drums coming over the hill and I felt an urge like no other to be near them. So I just rolled down there fresh out of the lodge and ran into my friend Jaz and her wife Shawnta and proceeded to cry like a baby. I came in right at the moment Yaniyah was giving this powerful speech about Lisa who is there in the damn tent! I was done. I mean it was amazing and powerful and necessary and on point and I was a puddle through it all.

When that portion ended, the women who were instrumental in starting the WOC tent were brought up. I know Amoja and I believe Lola (not the one named above) were part of that and sadly I can't remember who else (if you know please let me know and I'll add them), but let me say I could be off about all the names because I was a hot mess at this point so I slipped out the side. I just couldn’t take anymore as the women started drumming again. I dragged myself back up to the lodge, rinsed off, got dressed and headed back out into the world. Not the real world, but to Festiland.

That day on Day Stage was Round Robin with Nedra Johnson, Gretchen Phillips, Holly Near, Marcelle Davies-Lashley and Cris Williamson and then Cocomama. Needless to say I missed both sets because after the lodge I was scheduled for a massage, but not just any old massage, a hot stone massage! Yes hunny, there were hot stones in the woods! So after the massage, even though I was melting, melting, melting, open to the point that someone could probably put a hand through me, I thought it was still a good idea to go see Gina Breedlove at Acoustic Stage. What was I thinking?! Really, what the hell was I thinking???! That woman proceeded to sing the house down and then start speaking in tongues to boot! Now just stop it. Folks didn’t know what hit them that afternoon. Sheeettt! I don’t know what hit me, but what I do know is that after Gina’s set I was damn near inconsolable. Anybody that came near me I could feel all their stuff. I was feeling everybody’s sadness, joy, anger, devastation and even numbness. I was a mess! LOL! I can laugh now, but that day, not so much. I know people that encountered me were probably like, “Whoa!” I was gone baby gone...

Medusa & Gina Breedlove

 

I wanted to stay for Marga Gomez, but I knew I needed to eat to find my way back to the ground. Also at some point during the day Elizabeth Ziff asked me if I would sing on the BETTY set. Great! But I’m a mess! She had no idea or maybe she did, but either way I had to pull it together.

Night Stage that evening was BETTY, Jill Sobule and Medusa. I really love them all and all my people were playing that night as well. Well, that’s crazy to say cuz all my people were playing every night on every stage, but that night I knew I would be up watching everyone.

BETTY

I pulled myself together enough to find something to put on for the BETTY set. It was just one song, but that now made two sets I had “crashed.” It was lots of fun to sing with Alyson, Amy, Elizabeth and everyone else who was asked to chime in the “E-I-E-I-O Yo!” chorus. Hey why not? I won’t get this opportunity again, like this, here.

Medusa

The Mama's Hustle Band

After the BETTY set, I quickly changed back into my “street clothes” to enjoy the rest of the night. Jill and Medusa were amazing as always. I first met Medusa in 1998 while working at VIBE magazine. I was invited to speak on a panel at a hip-hop conference at Oberlin and she was there as one of the musical guests. I had never heard of her before and for that event she came as Medusa and Feline Science. Her DJ then was Dres who has now gone on to take the yoga world by storm. Anyway, ever since that first meeting I have been in love with her style and that final Thursday night on the land she brought it along with Julie Wolf, Vicki Randle, LaFrae Sci, Kofy Brown, Shelley Doty, Judith Casselberry and Tammy Brooks. That set was nothing short of the super power that is the Gangster Pussy she sings about! And with that, another day is done.