Michfest 40: The Saturday Slow Down (Part 5)

Monday September 7, 2015
I’m on the bus again and there is nothing sexy at all about it. It is not a tour bus taking me to some swanky venue; it is the bus I take home to see my family because I don’t have a car anymore. That went the way of my first London trip with my band in 2007. It was either fix the car or take my $600, which was going to turn into $300 when I hit the UK shores with me one my trip. I chose the latter. I had some charity come and pick up the car for donation and that’s been it ever since. In essence that is the story of so much of my life, the sacrifice for the music. Now luckily in New York one can make that kind of choice without much worry because public transportation here, though in need of help, is still top notch. I learned that first hand in London when the Tube stopped at midnight. No such thing in NYC. You might have to wait a long while, but the train is coming.

Now riding the bus is always interesting. There is never a dull moment. I’ve been on a bus that broke down on Christmas Eve and they never talk about a refund. I’ve been on the bus that broke down in the Bronx on the way back to NYC. The Bronx? I mean I’m damn near home. I actually contemplated if I could make it across the Bruckner expressway on foot to get on the 6 train, which I knew was nearby. It would have been a real life Frogger situation if I had tried that one, but I did run across the Ohio Turnpike in 2009 to get the stuff that flew off the top of our van on the way to Fest so I was confident. LOL. I’ve been on the bus where the fuses have blown. Really? I’ve been on the bus caught in so much traffic that the 4 hour ride to Boston turned into 7! But through all these scenarios the objective was to get to my childhood home or to Brooklyn my chosen home. The things we will do to get home. Michigan was my chosen home, but sometimes I think it chose me.

On a Side Note: The night I wrote this entry the bus I was on actually broke down right as we were going through the toll plaza to get into the City. Some chick (sorry to sound like that, but you know what I’m saying) in her infinite wisdom and entitlement thought that she was going to get off the bus at the toll plaza and catch an Uber or a yellow cab right there. Of course the Port Authority authorities shut that shit down! But on the real, when they got the bus moving we only got as far as 2nd Avenue & 88th street when that joint broke down again! This time there was another bus coming behind us because it had been called when we were on the toll plaza. I finally made it home, but not before one of my friends came to pick me up at Penn Station where the bus let us off. What a night...

In late August during my Cali trip post-Fest I talked to Vicki about my sadness. She said she wasn’t feeling so bad because so many of the people that she loved from Fest were in her town or nearby so she knew she would see them again. I told her that it’s not so much the people, which I know I will see again, but it is the place, which I’m not so sure I’ll see again, which gives me pause. Luckily I’m in a business where I can put out an APB and say, “Hey folks, I’m coming to your town to play! Come see me!” And if schedules and the stars align there will be womyn in the house! There will be the faces and the love I remember, but I know that is not the case for everyone. I spoke to many folks on the land who were really sad about the possibility of not seeing certain people possibly ever again. One woman expressed the fact that she wanted her ashes spread there. Would that be able to happen now? Would her daughter who is not invested in that experience at all, honor her mother and bring her ashes back to the land because even if the festival never opens its gates again, the land is not going anywhere. Right?

Home is tricky. A slippery slope. For many of us, as soon as we were old enough to leave in some form or fashion we are out! I know I was and I love my family. But this place, as I said, was chosen or for some it chose us. For some we had no idea it would move us like it did. Me? I know I had no idea at all.

Saturday, August 8, 2015
This morning is always the longest if you are in Chix Lix. We have sound check in the morning that seems to never end. You could go and run two workshops and come back and that joint would still be going on and you wouldn’t have missed your spot. It’s real like that. On tap for Night Stage were Hanifah, Ferron and Chix Lix. That morning my voice was in even worse shape. I was trying not to panic, but I was surely concerned. So during this long sound check I really didn’t sing. I just said I was conserving so that I could make it all happen later. Folks got it so it was all cool. Also I knew folks heard what I sounded like so it was best for me to shut up.

Hanifah’s checked first I think. I just remember it being before Chix. I remember us being able to get through a few things and then we had to wrap it up and keep it moving. At some point during all this I got to talk to Gina. I think I was just looking for her so I could get the Loquat honey for my throat, but on the way to her tent I told her what happened at the sweat lodge the day before. So with that she went to work. I think I mentioned something about my witchy friends and Gina one of them.  I knew I was going to be OK, but she reiterated that point. She also told me to shut up and rest for the day, which I did, but with reluctance because that meant I was going to miss Staceyann on the Acoustic Stage and Crys Matthews, Mouth of Babes and Bitch on the Day Stage. I was bummed about that. I really wanted to see both sets, but Hanifah’s set and Chix were the original two sets that I was hired to be there to do. So I had to pull it all together.

I got the Loquat honey and went to my tent and lay down and went to sleep. I could hear Staceyann and Bitch wafting through the air. That is one of the beautiful things about workerville. Because of where it is situated you can hear everything. I could hear the crowd go up in a roar for Bitch during her set. It almost made me cry really. She’s been having such a time with protests from cowards who don’t know her. Humans are so good at making assumptions and believing their perceptions of others and not so good at real conversations and asking honest questions. More often than not, we just want to be right. The hell with the truth. But I digress...

 Showing Bitch big love! 

As I was in and out of sleep in my tent I just prayed I would make it through. I woke up and thought I should start doing some vocal exercises to see where I really was with my voice. Thank Goddess for Jeremiah Abiah my vocal coach because honestly he got me through everything vocally that night. The things I have learned from him are invaluable and I’m not done learning by a long shot. Am I giving my man a shameless plug? Hell Yeah! He’s the truth!

Me in my tent pulling it together

As I was going through my warm-ups I knew I was going to have to modify some things that night. My upper register was nonexistent. I just had nothing. Well nothing with power anyway. I could get up there is some weird space in my body that I knew was all wrong so I was just staying out of that lane for tonight. After a bit more prayer I pulled myself together to go eat. Of course I wasn’t talking to anyone at dinner cuz I had to keep it close to the vest. After dinner I got my things together and headed to Central Heating. Hanifah’s set was up first.

Michfest 40: My Voice and Has Anybody Here Seen the Sunshine? (Part 4)

Friday August 7, 2015
I knew this would be a hectic day. I had sound check for Toshi’s set in the morning (why because I was “crashing” her set too), then I was reminded by Nívea that I was scheduled to be part of the artist panel on the WOC tent, so I did that at 11am, only to have to be at the WOC lodge at 12pm to talk to the women with Yaniyah about what they might experience in the lodge, etc. I usually sweat in that lodge, but after the previous day I realized I was good on the sweats for the week. Earlier in the day Holly Near confirmed that I could sing with her on her set (yes “crashing” this set as well), but there was a rehearsal that I needed to try to make later in the day. I thought I could do it all. It seemed possible, well nothing says time like land time. Yes you can make plans, but don’t cling to them. So what had happened was...

Toshi sound check

Yaniyah and I gave our talk and we got everyone set and ready to go into the lodge. There were enough fire keepers and some extra folks to help so I thought we were all good to go. When everyone was in, I stepped out of the area to get to the rest of the things on my list. I was trying to catch Holly’s rehearsal, but things took a little longer than I expected so I missed it. Luckily I ran into her in the Belly Bowl and she was able to give me the talk through. She also told me that Marcelle and Rhiannon were going to be doing a vox/tambourine number during her set! What??!!! I wanted to be down with that so bad, but not even Holly was involved so I surely wasn’t getting in. After our short talk I figured I would catch Mazz’s set on Day Stage before heading back to the lodge. I’m glad I did because it was killing! I was sad to miss Aima the Dreamer and Reina Williams (two of my faves), but I heard both sets from a distance.

MazzMuse

After Mazz’s set was over I headed back to the WOC lodge just in time for the third door to be open and some folks were out. As is the way of the lodge on the land, you can come out when the door opens if you need to and go back in if you like. It seemed that the third door was long, intense and hot because Shirley asked the fire keepers to open the West Gate to let the air flow through. I checked on a few women to see if they were going to go back in. Some were staying out and others started to make their way back to the lodge.

Without getting into all the details, when all the women who were going back in the lodge were in, something happened outside of the lodge and I had to then work with one of the women who stayed out to make sure she was OK. Again, without getting into all of it I will say that the entire incident just reinforced for me the kind of feelings that were whirling around on the land that week. The exchange with this woman, while I believe was very healing for her, was so intense that I think the incident contributed to me losing my voice. Yes, on Friday night after I finished with Toshi’s set, which I will tell you about, I lost my voice. I think I lost it because I didn’t speak up about what I felt happened that day at the lodge. I know for some of you reading this you might think that sounds crazy or a least really strange, but let me tell you about energy and the use of your voice vs. stuffing things down. I don’t care what the incident is, if things are going on in your face and you choose not to use your voice, you just may lose it; and if not your voice it will be something. The thing is that on the land everything is amplified, but so much is given to the ground, which helps. My mistake was that I didn’t give anything to the ground or the sky or the water I just kept it and it killed my voice at least for a little while. I know there were also other factors that could have contributed to me losing my voice. The dust out there, the weather that day, all the singing I was doing on other people’s sets that I wasn’t totally prepared for. All of these things could have been a factor, but I tell you I felt my voice leaving me as I walked away from the lodge that day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not walking away from the lodge ceremony all together. What I mean is that there will still be a lodge in Brooklyn and I will always take the opportunity to be in that ceremony whenever I can. I know how much power is in that circle. I didn’t panic. Well I did panic at first because the last time I lost my voice on the land I didn’t sing for a year and ended up having surgery. So honestly I did panic for a moment, but then my witches showed up and healing began.

On this day I had my final rehearsal with Hanifah and while we were in the rehearsal tent it started to rain like it was nobody’s business. It was at that moment that I started to think about the shows that were going to happen on Acoustic Stage because there is no tent covering there. Cris Williamson and Dance Brigade were scheduled that day and at that time, due to the amount of rain coming down, I figured that they would just cancel the shows on that stage for the day, which would be a bummer, but honestly the rain felt epic.

There are certain places that the Acoustic Stage sound travels, but toward the rehearsal tent is not one of them. So I wouldn’t know until much later that Cris’s show did go on, with workers from the stage standing over the musicians with umbrellas!

Yes hunny! These women held up umbrellas through the whole set. Instruments were covered with clear tarps and the show went on! I heard it was incredible and I’m sad I missed it, but I was glad that those who were willing to brave the rain got a show. Now as for Dance Brigade, they were not able to perform, but as luck would have it they were able to move their show to Saturday in the slot that Ferron was supposed to be in, and she was moved to Saturday night in place of Melissa Ferrick who couldn’t make it due to an injury. Wow! I felt bad for Melissa, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out, but I was glad that Dance Brigade got to do their thing and that Ferron would be headlining Night Stage one last time.


As time went on I could feel my voice slipping away, but I kept it moving. Elvira’s set was great and like Cris, she did it in the rain. The elements were supposed to let up by 8pm, but no dice. It just kept on coming. Sometimes it would slow down, but it surely wasn’t stopping. The duo of Elvira and Pam Parham her sign interpreter is one that I’m going to miss terribly. I hope there is a way for Elvira to take Pam with her wherever she goes. They are artistically made for each other.

Next up was Holly Near my secret girlfriend. No we are not nor have we ever dated, but she’s still my secret girlfriend. LOL. I love this woman so much! When I got on the land this year she was one of the first people I ran into. We talked for a while and that’s when she gave me an 80% invitation to sing on her set. I was praying for the other 20% and I got it. Holly asked me and a few others to sing on a medley of some of her most popular songs, which was wonderful! I wasn’t even mad about not being a part of the tambourine/vox hit because Rhiannon and Marcelle rocked that joint to the hilt! Daaayyyuummm! It rained pretty much through the whole set and people stayed. It was wonderful!

{Video: Marcelle & Rhiannon Tambouine/Vox Duo}

Then I stepped off and got ready for Toshi’s set. I asked Toshi before we got to the land if I could sing with her on her set. Why? A couple of weeks before Fest I went to see Big Lovely at Lincoln Center Out of Doors and then maybe a couple of weeks before that I sang with her and an amazing group of singers at Joe’s Pub for the Pete Seeger Sing-a-long. All I knew after both of those events was that I needed to sing with Toshi at Fest this year. So I called ahead and made a reservation so to speak and I’m glad I did because her set was off the chain! I sang with the band on the Pete Seeger song, “Which Side Are You On” and then I sang with them on “Sunshine,” which is one of my favorite Big Lovely songs! I was so amped! I was having a blast and that set went on! As I said, nothing was ending on time and nobody cared. It was pouring and Toshi sang, “Has anybody here seen the sunshine? Keeps shining in the pouring rain!” Perfect! Before the set closed we all left the stage except Toshi who broke out into her song “There and Back Again.” Yes indeed. We were going through.

Toshi in the rain!

Trust me when I tell you that more crying happened! Water on top of water.  I was all up in my feelings for sure after that set. Another day was done. We were that much closer to the end. I really couldn’t believe it. My voice was going and we would soon be leaving too. It was all too much.

In Gratitude...

I started this blog three times. I was trying not to be long winded, but it seems I can’t help it. The more I sit with myself the less I want to go back. Well at least not too far. Those of you who have read my forever-long blogs know that I have an elephant’s memory. I pay close attention just in case I have to tell you about it. It is indeed the storyteller in me.

I have had quite and year, but I’m not going to recap it at all. I can’t do it again. [If you need to know the whole deal read my old blog (The Year of the Voice) or check the video] I will only go back a week or so for this blog and even then it will tell all, but it will be enough. Ironically my last blog was called “The Year of the Voice” and now we are actually coming up on a year.

I was getting ready to get the band back into the flow of things when I learned that I needed to have surgery on my throat. I had a cyst near, but not on my vocal chords. Now if you know me at all then you know I am not a fan of surgery and I come from a lot of people who feel the same way. I’m not talking about my family I’m talking about my “people.” My friend John recently commented on how I am more of a hippy than he thought I was. I guess, but one thing that some people might call hippy or at least New Age is that I believe in holistic healing, which is really not new at all. So to be considering surgery was big for me.

I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about this who had dealt with this kind of thing. I couldn’t call Adele or John Mayer, but then I remembered that Sandra St. Victor, (an amazing vocalist who you should look up if you don’t know her) one of my inspirations, had polyps removed from her vocal chords and she is doing amazing! So I emailed her and she gave me some sage advice and from there I moved into action.

Beautiful alter the ladies made for my healing circle

I put out the APB to all the healers in my life and everyone stepped up. A week before the surgery my girl Ty gave me a reading so I knew what I needed to do spiritually, and she also came by and did some Pranic Healing on me. Then my girl Desiree organized a healing circle for me. Emily, Hollie, Chuz, Adanze, DeeArah and Sarah came through in person and a gang load of people came through in spirit.  Shirley called my ancestors into the sweat lodge in Michigan and they came to assist in my healing. Peggy hit me with the acupuncture and I did my own personal work and meditation to get ready for the day. So why do all this if I’m going to have the surgery anyway? Because I still needed the path to be clear. No complications. In and out, and also we were praying for a swift and full recovery.
 
I know things were in divine order because the whole week before the surgery I was in prayer of some kind or another. From Friday June 15th to Wednesday June 20th I was singing to the Goddess and to God. I did two kirtans with my friend Keith and then we recorded the Soul Sangha album. Between "Allah Hoo," "Sita Ram," "Guru Mahadeva" and "Gum, Gum Ganesha," I was all prayed up.

I'm going in!

There I am

My mom came to be with me for the surgery on the 21st. My week had been so packed that by the time the day came I wasn’t so nervous anymore. The day before the surgery I sent out an email to all my peeps to pray or send me good vibes at 7:30am as that was the time of my surgery. When I got to the hospital it was a pretty smooth and fast process. They checked me in and I want up to the 5th floor and got my “pajamas.” Then my mom and I talked to the anesthesiologist and to a nurse to make sure they had everything correct. They then had us wait in a big room until someone came and got me and two other people. We then took the elevator to the 2nd floor where we waited again. One of the women with us was really nervous because she asked me and the other guy what we were there for. I could only laugh. It felt like the old prison question, “What are you in for?” I think there is some sort of rule that you don’t ask people what they are in for. LOL! We didn’t answer her, but we did get a laugh out of it.

Now this is where it all gets interesting. Remember, I asked everyone to pray and send vibes at 7:30am. I don’t what time it was exactly, but as I was waiting for someone to come get me to take me into the operating room I felt a sense of euphoria. It was an overwhelming sense of joy and I just started to smile and laugh. I wondered if it was 7:30 or around then and if people were sending me energy and that’s why I felt happy. It was amazing. I wasn’t afraid at all when the orderly came to take me into the OR.

It happened again when I was in the operating table. They had strapped me in, which was strange, but they said that they sometimes turn the table side to side so they strap people in so they won’t fall off and they can get a better angle if they need it.

Anyway, it happened again before I totally went out. I felt this overwhelming sense of happiness. It was such a blessing. When I thought about it later it almost made me cry.

I also had an interesting experience with the OR nurse. Her name was Dianne and she was really sweet. Before I went under I tapped her and asked her for her name again. I just wanted to make sure I remembered everyone who was there. She was so excited that I asked her for her name, which was a reaction that I didn’t expect at all. She said she felt like she was always forgotten. She said that no one ever asked her for her name in the OR. That felt good. I was there being worked on, but clearly I had done a bit of healing for someone else that day. The other OR nurse was Victor and the anesthesiologist was Miguel.

Dr. Pitman came in and spoke to me for a minute. Did I mention that he’s a supermodel? LOL! Okay, he’s not a supermodel, but he is clearly some sort of super something. I’m very thankful to him and Dr. Pantelides. They were very understanding and treated me like a human being. They understood how much my voice means to me. I am super, super thankful to all of the people there in the OR.

Dr. Pantelides and Dr. Pitman

For those of you who have had surgery and been put under, then you know bizarre it is. It’s nothing like sleep. You don’t dream at all. You have no memory. One moment you are in the OR and the next you are in recovery. There was no counting backwards from 10 until you are out, you are just out! I could feel the medicine going in and that was it. Out! I just remember Miguel saying we are putting the medicine in and that was it.

When I woke up in recovery I was in a little bit of pain. That was to be expected. They gave me more drugs. Soon as I could breathe on my own, they had oxygen on me at first. They took me up to the other recovery where my mom was waiting. I slept there for another hour and then I had to do the “go home” test. If I could walk without getting dizzy, pee on my own and drink water without too much pain then I could leave. I passed the test and soon mom and I were out the door.

We drove back to Brooklyn and to Fairway in Red Hook to get some food for the house. I was on a baby food diet to begin with, which mean pretty much all liquids and pureed foods. For those of you who live in Brooklyn you know that the Fairway in Red Hook is right by the river. Mom and I bought a few things, two of which were subject to melting and that day it was a million degrees. But before we left the parking lot I told her we had to take a pause. I knew I couldn’t be that close to the river and not thank Oshun for her healing power on that day. So I walked around to the river with my mother and pointed to the Statue of Liberty because there was a great view from there. While she was gazing at Lady Liberty I was saying my thanks and praise to the Mother. I was also thanking the Goddess for my mother. I know I am so blessed to have her here with me. That was such a great way to end that part of the day.

We went home in the sweltering heat. Later Jeff came by to help me put my AC in my bedroom window. My mom toughed it out in the living room with the fan. Summer came in with a bang. She really brought the fire to New York City. Thank you Goddess.

Please keep sending me lots of love, light and healing energy. The other side of the journey has just begun.  But with that I claim that I am healed. I am well. I am on voice rest. I am powerful. I am surrounded by light. I am a teacher. I am in full voice. I am open to receive all the grace, goodness and abundance that the Universe has for me. Amen. Ashe. And so it is. Aho!

FYI about New York Eye and Ear: World Voice Day!