Michfest 40: The end is a Beginning... (Final Thoughts)

Post Script: Acceptance? Not so sure...
We are now into 2016 and I’m not sure I have reached acceptance. Before we left there were many conspiracy theories about how Fest would continue or how the torch would be passed and I honestly was hopeful. Very Hopeful.  Maybe it was all part of the denial that lives in my bones, but again, now, not so much.  I have heard a lot of things through the fern gully, but I won’t get into all the theories and rumors and second hand accounts passed my way, but I will say this.

I know that around February or March I am probably going to feel really sad. I already had a moment in Nov. 1st when the artist submission deadline came and went and there was no place to submit and usually around May I start to really feel the weight of the world, but it is then that I go to that place called “August is Coming.” I knew that no matter what life dropped on me there would be a week. One week where I could shed all that outside business and just be. Yes it was work, but it was some of the best work I’ve done in my life both inside myself and on stage. The women who saw my shows at Michfest, saw something very, very special.

What shall we do this first week in August this year? What shall we do? There have been many suggestions thrown out there and I know there are some plots and plans brewing in the minds of many women so I’ll be here waiting for the signal to go up. In spite of my sadness, I know that the loss of Fest will surely open doors for all of us. It will allow us to do something else with that block of time that maybe we would have never done if Fest hadn't ended. This end has forced us, or at least me, to rethink how I connect with friends and family day to day. No longer can we take for granted that we’ll see each other in one space like that again.

Post-Fest armband flow

I have a lot of friends who go to Burning Man and when Michfest was closing they couldn’t believe it. “No way!” they said. “Way,” I said. I told them and I’ll say it again, do not take your community gatherings for granted. Do Not! I have mourned the loss of community before and it sucks! Do not assume they will be there forever. The only thing constant in this world is change. Make no assumptions about what will be. Hug and kiss your friends and family. Love them up and make it count. We are in a strange time, tied to devices that lead us to believe that we are connected when we are not. I say this to you as much as I say it to myself, do not take for granted that you have time to see people. If you feel like you need to see someone or talk to them do it now. Do not wait. Do not wait.

My heart breaks for the loss of this community gathering. As I write this I am a little teary. I never expected my heart to feel this way. I never could have imagined what would happen to me on that land. Never could have imagined.

There are so many names that I did not call in these blog posts, not because I didn't meet you and hug you and care for you, but because if I start to write MY whole story of the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival I will surely have a short memoir on my hands. Although I went to 9 festivals there were so many things I never saw or experienced on the land. Every year I would say, "I'm going to attend __________ workshop," but I would or could never make it due to my own busy schedule. Well, I made it to a couple and even taught one, but really I missed a lot.  In fact this past Fest was the first time I saw Fairlyland.  The first time and it was amazing! I know as you read my story you have many, many stories of your own. Tell your story.

I am blessed to be part of an artistic and activist community that grew out of the dirt.  I am so thankful to have this experience in the record of my life.  I am so thankful to Hanifah for inviting me into this circle. I am thankful to Cassandra for casting my breasts. I am thankful to Lisa and Terri Lynn for saying yes to blaKbüshe and all the women who made up the ladies contingent of my band through the years (Julie: keys, Vicki: percussion/vox, Alex: guitar, Ganessa: bass, Ki Ki: vox, Achuziam: vox, Viva: guitar, Pamela: guitar, LaFrae: drums, Lucianna: drums, Christelle: percussion, Maritri: vox, Tiffany: vox, Cathleen: sign interpreter, Kelly Horrigan: design, styling & makeup, Micah: styling & design, Shelly: styling & makeup and Gaetano: styling & design). I am thankful to the craftswomen who carried their goods to the woods. I am thankful for Susan and Golden Rod for believing in women's music. I am thankful for all the hands the built that city year after year from scratch only to break it all down and store it away for the next year.  I am thankful to all the hands that cooked food and all the healers that laid hands.  I am thankful to Amoja, Martha, Pat and all the women of color who created and maintained the WOC tent. I am thankful for Shirley and the sweat lodge and how the spirits moved me to bring that ceremony to Brooklyn. I am thankful for every hand on deck that made that joint happened.  I am in gratitude more then words can express.

Damn you Lisa Vogel! Thank you Lisa Vogel. Thank you, all the women who I met in person or who met me through my music on that land. Because of you I am changed and I will never stop standing for women. Give Thanks! 

Without whom...

Michfest 40: The Final Countdown * Chix: The Revolution (Part 6)

Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I’m walking over the Brooklyn Bridge heading home from my sometime-y day gig and I’m on the phone with my girl Po-Hong. We hadn’t talked in a while so walking over the bridge was a good way to get a good long catch up in and take in the scenery. In the midst of the convo in pops Fest and what it has done for us, and how we are in some deep denial about it ending. I started to wax nostalgic about it all when she reminded me that she had only gone twice, but since going her whole life changed. I had gone for 9 years and I can say the exact same thing, but what of the women who grew up there? I mean what of the women who went through their 20s and 30s there? I mention this because when I think about my 20s and 30s and how pivotal a time in my life that was it’s astounding. I mean I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to think about leaving New York. I grew up here. I’ve now lived here longer than the town I was raised in. New York is home.

If you went to the land for the first time in your teens (as was Lisa when she started the damn thing), or in the 20s, that is EVERYTHING. In my 20s there was no stopping me! Everything was doable and I knew it. I was very clear about it even in my uncertainty. I changed how I ate, I started making my own music, I was singing in bands, I started writing music, I was working out and staying out late. Drinking and carrying on hunny, and it was good! Really it was amazing! Everything about that time is amplified and romanticized, but at the time that Festival was started I’m sure it was like a tall glass of ice cold water on a hot ass day! I mean think about it. It’s 1976 and there they were. Creating a world of their own. One that was safe, testosterone free, free of sexism, free of homophobia, free of the stresses of every day life, free to commune among the trees with your sisters. Free! Sound like Utopia right? Well of course it does. But was it Utopia, of course it wasn’t, but that doesn’t matter to make my point here. The point is that these women created a world. They made their own Paradise Island in the woods. They created a safe haven in a world where things were not safe for women in general and lesbians in specific on a daily basis. It was everyone working together. The workers, the artists and the festival-goers. It was that combined energy that made Lisa say she would “never do it again” and then do it 39 more times. How do you say no to that kind of community? How do you turn your back on that deep of an intention? You don’t. You carry on. So again, I am thinking about these women and those who are a part of this legacy. Those who also invested with love (in all the ways it shows up) and sweat equity. Those like Shirley and Juanita and Julie and Myrna and Connie and Jenn and Bob and Sam and Chewy and Falcon and Aleah and Yaniyah and Martha and B.E. and Bonnie and Penny and Ubaka and Pat and Myrna and Deb and Karen and Cassandra and Alyson and Martha and Qween and Terri Lynn and Jill and Kelly and Tory and Sue and Shira and Emily and Felicia and Susan and so on and so on and so on and so on who loved and fought and hugged and kissed and made up and broke up and mended fences and cried and laughed and healed and danced and married and separated and had babies and left all kinds of trouble behind, and worked till they were exhausted and partied the same way, found a way out of no way and protected each other as it were the last days on earth.  Trailblazers. Career breakers. Business owners. I feel like I am rambling on, but I must say this. For me, these women Sweet Honey in the Rock, Linda Tillery, Casselberry-Dupree, Toshi Reagon, Ruthie Foster, Vicki Randle, Karen Williams, Mimi Gonzalez, Marga Gomez, for me, they are the ones. Some I knew about and others I learned about when I got to the land. You can’t be a black girl and not know Sweet Honey, but you can be a black girl and not know about Linda Tillery or Casselberry-Dupree so I learned. I got hip to so many artists I should have known, but did not know at all. I was schooled and I loved every waking and sleeping moment of it under the stars.

Pre-Night Stage love with Cris Williamson

Saturday August 8th (Continued…)
I got myself dressed and ready for Hanifah’s set. I’ve really been into jumpsuits and rompers lately so I found a little number at Mandy no less. I guess they are still “to the rescue.” You gotta be a New Yorker to get that joke, but anyway… I was still being as silent as possible as I prepared to hit the stage. As I said, Hanifah’s set and Chix were the only slots I was originally slated to do so no matter what, I had to make it work for tonight.

Hanifah is always great as usual! The crew for Fest this year was Christelle Durandy on keys & backing vox, DJ Rimarkable on Live & backing vox and me on tambourine, backing vox and shakers. Besides doing joints from her band St. Lo we also kicked into Irene Cara’s “Flashdance… What a Feeling!” Why? The flow of Hanifah’s set in part was about her time at the festival and what it has meant to her over the years. The set was a little emotional because I felt like it was full circle for me. When I first came to Fest 9 years ago I came with Hanifah. For some reason she chose me to be her bassist and honestly she is only one of three people I have ever played bass for besides myself. She will always have a special place in my heart for bringing me to Fest all those years ago.

Hanifah Walidah

I remember that first year thinking to myself that I didn’t know how I was going to get back to Fest, but I had to go back. Lo and behold, Hanifah was asked back two more times in a row for night stage and eventually I was invited to play on Day Stage with my band blaKbüshe!

I got through Hanifah’s set this year with no problem. My voice had worked, but now I needed to shut up again to make it through my songs on Chix Lix. I was just supposed to sing “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but Toshi asked me to sing with her for Chix and of course I said yes.

Between Hanifah and Chix was Ferron. Talk about beautiful. I was taken back to the first time I saw Ferron on night stage. In 2008 she shared the evening with Bitch and it was magical. Everyone, including me was in tears so you know it was magic. Anyway, this year was no exception. Since it was Saturday night, the last Night Stage ever, people were taking their time and Ferron did the same. She had an amazing set. I was supposed to be chilling just getting my voice together. I was quiet, but I had to see the set. When Ferron finished it was time for the last set of Chix Lix on Night Stage. Already? Already.

Ferron

I still wasn’t sure about my voice. I still wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sing the whole song. I was in my head and doing my best to get out of it because that was the only way I was going to make it through the song. As I said, I was singing “Every Woman” with Toshi first and then I got ready for my song. Chix was amazing that night! {SEE Chix Set List w/ Pics}. I mean I have been quite a few Chix and this was up there as one of the best in my book, but what else would it be? As we started to run down the songs it started to really sink in that this was it. This was really it and then I had to take a breath and compose myself again so I could get through.

When my song finally came up I knew I needed to take my time. As most of you know, I am known for wearing heals when I perform, but that night I wanted to feel the catwalk beneath my feet. So I sat on the edge of the stage and talked to the folks while I took off my shoes and then placed them next to Cathleen who was signing for Chix and then I started the song. I have to admit that it was a challenge at first. I was way deep in my head and I didn’t have time to stay there so I had to move into a different space quick. I had dancers that night so it was a big number. As I said, I sang “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but I changed the words to fit the feeling of the Festival. {READ my Remixed Michfest "Stronger" Lyrics}

Shoes off

After all my panic and concern everything worked out, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was challenging. When I’m performing I do my best to be as present as possible especially in situations like this. I want to remember as much as I can. You might be surprised at how many shows go by that I don’t remember a thing that happened. I needed to remember this. To that end, I do remember some of it. I remember walking down the catwalk and touching hands. I remember being at the end of it with the dancers behind me. I remember hoping that everyone was with me because although I could see in front of me it was dark and I couldn’t see behind me because the dancers were there. I did the best I could. I gave it everything that I had. I gave it all the love I had in me to give. I gave every last piece of myself and that was the best I could do. When I came off stage I was shaking my head and later C.C. asked me why I was doing that. She asked me if I thought I didn’t do well because she said it was amazing. I wasn’t shaking my head because I thought it was bad, but because that was it. Singing that night was challenging and I wanted it to come with a little more ease, but it was what it was and it was yet and still amazing. For the encore the girls came out and sang a medley of “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me ‘Round,” “Roar,” and “Amazon Womyn” the reboot and they were incredible. Then at the very end of "Amazon" we all came out had to hold on the last “Rise Again!” while we waited for the fireworks display and what a display it was. We’ve had fireworks at Fest in the past; that was nothing new, but it was the last fireworks we would see like that with those womyn in that place. With the fireworks came the waterworks. I can’t remember whose shoulder I cried on mine, but I do remember folks just standing on stage after it was all over. It was a real moment of disbelief about it all. A real, “What do we do now?” moment. I mean we all have lots to do. There is life going on while we are all on this land of ours and everyday it seems like the world is going more and more mad, but really, seriously (said in my best Bob voice), what do we do now?!

Rise Again!

Chix Lix Band: Revolution

I stood with everyone else just looking out over the crowd of women who slowly made their way back to their homes on the land. As I stood and looked to the sky and out over the people I saw these two young girls standing by the side of the stage looking as bewildered as the rest of us. So I walked over to them and asked their names. They said Emily and Emelia (I hope I am correct about the second name). I asked them how old they were and they said 13 and 14. I then asked them how long they had been coming to the festival and they said 13 years and 14 years respectively. So that was their whole life! What lucky girls. Then I asked them, “What are we going to do without summer camp?” Emily said she had no idea. Emelia said she hasn’t processed it all yet. I asked them where they lived. Emily said Minnesota and then just as quick she said, “You can come to my house and do a show. I have a bunk bed and you can sleep there!” At that moment I knew everything was gonna be alright. I asked them if they knew anyone with a farm and they said yes and I told them to find me on Facebook if they were allowed to be on there and let’s get this thing poppin’! It was such a wonderful moment, but really it made me think about all the little girls that had grown up there. It made me remember Ruby and Maddie and Zander and Jiji and Zuri and Cree and Naiobi and add your daughter, granddaughter or niece here.  Summer camp to the Nth degree.

I have been trying to explain to people for years that Michfest is much more than a music festival. It’s much more than the haters, misogynists and purveyors of negative vibrations of the world put out there about it. It was a magic place and although I might have overused the word magic in this post there is not a much better way to break it down.

After Night Stage on Saturday there is a party in the Belly Bowl for the workers. DJ Rimarkable made that joint happen out of her understanding that the workers needed that release at the end of the week. So for the last five years Ri has been bringing the workers a sweet release. But this year the party for me was bitter sweet. I didn’t dance a lot. I just wanted to remember my sisters dancing and singing and having a wonderful time together. Being free and open. It was a sight to behold and one I will hold in my heart for a good long time.

 Fireworks and Waterworks

Chix Lix: Revoulution (Song List)

Michfest 40

Chix Lix: Revolution

Songs (Not in Order)

1. Raise Your Glass by Pink (sung by Big Bad Gina w/ Gretchen Philips & Animal)

2. I'm Still Standing by Elton John (sung by Holly Hear)

3. Every Woman by Bernice Johnson Reagon (sung by Toshi Reagon, Shelley Nicole, Marcelle Davies-Lashley, Gina Breedlove)

4. Talkin' About Revolution by Tracy Chapman (performed by Bitch and C.C. Carter)

5. Shower the People you Love With Love by James Taylor 

(sung by Cris Williamson and Teresa Trull)

6. Sinnerman by Nina Simone (sung by Hanifah Walidah)

7. Revolutionary Feminist 70s TV Medly by BETTY

8. Woodstock by Joni Mitchell, Tuck & Patti (sung by Gina Breedlove and Christelle Durandy)

9. Earth Song by Michael Jackson (sing by Aleah Long and One World Inspirational Choir)

10. Stronger by Kelly Clarkson (sung by Shelley Nicole)

Encore: Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me 'Round/Roar/Amazon Womyn

Michfest 40: The Saturday Slow Down (Part 5)

Monday September 7, 2015
I’m on the bus again and there is nothing sexy at all about it. It is not a tour bus taking me to some swanky venue; it is the bus I take home to see my family because I don’t have a car anymore. That went the way of my first London trip with my band in 2007. It was either fix the car or take my $600, which was going to turn into $300 when I hit the UK shores with me one my trip. I chose the latter. I had some charity come and pick up the car for donation and that’s been it ever since. In essence that is the story of so much of my life, the sacrifice for the music. Now luckily in New York one can make that kind of choice without much worry because public transportation here, though in need of help, is still top notch. I learned that first hand in London when the Tube stopped at midnight. No such thing in NYC. You might have to wait a long while, but the train is coming.

Now riding the bus is always interesting. There is never a dull moment. I’ve been on a bus that broke down on Christmas Eve and they never talk about a refund. I’ve been on the bus that broke down in the Bronx on the way back to NYC. The Bronx? I mean I’m damn near home. I actually contemplated if I could make it across the Bruckner expressway on foot to get on the 6 train, which I knew was nearby. It would have been a real life Frogger situation if I had tried that one, but I did run across the Ohio Turnpike in 2009 to get the stuff that flew off the top of our van on the way to Fest so I was confident. LOL. I’ve been on the bus where the fuses have blown. Really? I’ve been on the bus caught in so much traffic that the 4 hour ride to Boston turned into 7! But through all these scenarios the objective was to get to my childhood home or to Brooklyn my chosen home. The things we will do to get home. Michigan was my chosen home, but sometimes I think it chose me.

On a Side Note: The night I wrote this entry the bus I was on actually broke down right as we were going through the toll plaza to get into the City. Some chick (sorry to sound like that, but you know what I’m saying) in her infinite wisdom and entitlement thought that she was going to get off the bus at the toll plaza and catch an Uber or a yellow cab right there. Of course the Port Authority authorities shut that shit down! But on the real, when they got the bus moving we only got as far as 2nd Avenue & 88th street when that joint broke down again! This time there was another bus coming behind us because it had been called when we were on the toll plaza. I finally made it home, but not before one of my friends came to pick me up at Penn Station where the bus let us off. What a night...

In late August during my Cali trip post-Fest I talked to Vicki about my sadness. She said she wasn’t feeling so bad because so many of the people that she loved from Fest were in her town or nearby so she knew she would see them again. I told her that it’s not so much the people, which I know I will see again, but it is the place, which I’m not so sure I’ll see again, which gives me pause. Luckily I’m in a business where I can put out an APB and say, “Hey folks, I’m coming to your town to play! Come see me!” And if schedules and the stars align there will be womyn in the house! There will be the faces and the love I remember, but I know that is not the case for everyone. I spoke to many folks on the land who were really sad about the possibility of not seeing certain people possibly ever again. One woman expressed the fact that she wanted her ashes spread there. Would that be able to happen now? Would her daughter who is not invested in that experience at all, honor her mother and bring her ashes back to the land because even if the festival never opens its gates again, the land is not going anywhere. Right?

Home is tricky. A slippery slope. For many of us, as soon as we were old enough to leave in some form or fashion we are out! I know I was and I love my family. But this place, as I said, was chosen or for some it chose us. For some we had no idea it would move us like it did. Me? I know I had no idea at all.

Saturday, August 8, 2015
This morning is always the longest if you are in Chix Lix. We have sound check in the morning that seems to never end. You could go and run two workshops and come back and that joint would still be going on and you wouldn’t have missed your spot. It’s real like that. On tap for Night Stage were Hanifah, Ferron and Chix Lix. That morning my voice was in even worse shape. I was trying not to panic, but I was surely concerned. So during this long sound check I really didn’t sing. I just said I was conserving so that I could make it all happen later. Folks got it so it was all cool. Also I knew folks heard what I sounded like so it was best for me to shut up.

Hanifah’s checked first I think. I just remember it being before Chix. I remember us being able to get through a few things and then we had to wrap it up and keep it moving. At some point during all this I got to talk to Gina. I think I was just looking for her so I could get the Loquat honey for my throat, but on the way to her tent I told her what happened at the sweat lodge the day before. So with that she went to work. I think I mentioned something about my witchy friends and Gina one of them.  I knew I was going to be OK, but she reiterated that point. She also told me to shut up and rest for the day, which I did, but with reluctance because that meant I was going to miss Staceyann on the Acoustic Stage and Crys Matthews, Mouth of Babes and Bitch on the Day Stage. I was bummed about that. I really wanted to see both sets, but Hanifah’s set and Chix were the original two sets that I was hired to be there to do. So I had to pull it all together.

I got the Loquat honey and went to my tent and lay down and went to sleep. I could hear Staceyann and Bitch wafting through the air. That is one of the beautiful things about workerville. Because of where it is situated you can hear everything. I could hear the crowd go up in a roar for Bitch during her set. It almost made me cry really. She’s been having such a time with protests from cowards who don’t know her. Humans are so good at making assumptions and believing their perceptions of others and not so good at real conversations and asking honest questions. More often than not, we just want to be right. The hell with the truth. But I digress...

 Showing Bitch big love! 

As I was in and out of sleep in my tent I just prayed I would make it through. I woke up and thought I should start doing some vocal exercises to see where I really was with my voice. Thank Goddess for Jeremiah Abiah my vocal coach because honestly he got me through everything vocally that night. The things I have learned from him are invaluable and I’m not done learning by a long shot. Am I giving my man a shameless plug? Hell Yeah! He’s the truth!

Me in my tent pulling it together

As I was going through my warm-ups I knew I was going to have to modify some things that night. My upper register was nonexistent. I just had nothing. Well nothing with power anyway. I could get up there is some weird space in my body that I knew was all wrong so I was just staying out of that lane for tonight. After a bit more prayer I pulled myself together to go eat. Of course I wasn’t talking to anyone at dinner cuz I had to keep it close to the vest. After dinner I got my things together and headed to Central Heating. Hanifah’s set was up first.

Michfest 40: My Voice and Has Anybody Here Seen the Sunshine? (Part 4)

Friday August 7, 2015
I knew this would be a hectic day. I had sound check for Toshi’s set in the morning (why because I was “crashing” her set too), then I was reminded by Nívea that I was scheduled to be part of the artist panel on the WOC tent, so I did that at 11am, only to have to be at the WOC lodge at 12pm to talk to the women with Yaniyah about what they might experience in the lodge, etc. I usually sweat in that lodge, but after the previous day I realized I was good on the sweats for the week. Earlier in the day Holly Near confirmed that I could sing with her on her set (yes “crashing” this set as well), but there was a rehearsal that I needed to try to make later in the day. I thought I could do it all. It seemed possible, well nothing says time like land time. Yes you can make plans, but don’t cling to them. So what had happened was...

Toshi sound check

Yaniyah and I gave our talk and we got everyone set and ready to go into the lodge. There were enough fire keepers and some extra folks to help so I thought we were all good to go. When everyone was in, I stepped out of the area to get to the rest of the things on my list. I was trying to catch Holly’s rehearsal, but things took a little longer than I expected so I missed it. Luckily I ran into her in the Belly Bowl and she was able to give me the talk through. She also told me that Marcelle and Rhiannon were going to be doing a vox/tambourine number during her set! What??!!! I wanted to be down with that so bad, but not even Holly was involved so I surely wasn’t getting in. After our short talk I figured I would catch Mazz’s set on Day Stage before heading back to the lodge. I’m glad I did because it was killing! I was sad to miss Aima the Dreamer and Reina Williams (two of my faves), but I heard both sets from a distance.

MazzMuse

After Mazz’s set was over I headed back to the WOC lodge just in time for the third door to be open and some folks were out. As is the way of the lodge on the land, you can come out when the door opens if you need to and go back in if you like. It seemed that the third door was long, intense and hot because Shirley asked the fire keepers to open the West Gate to let the air flow through. I checked on a few women to see if they were going to go back in. Some were staying out and others started to make their way back to the lodge.

Without getting into all the details, when all the women who were going back in the lodge were in, something happened outside of the lodge and I had to then work with one of the women who stayed out to make sure she was OK. Again, without getting into all of it I will say that the entire incident just reinforced for me the kind of feelings that were whirling around on the land that week. The exchange with this woman, while I believe was very healing for her, was so intense that I think the incident contributed to me losing my voice. Yes, on Friday night after I finished with Toshi’s set, which I will tell you about, I lost my voice. I think I lost it because I didn’t speak up about what I felt happened that day at the lodge. I know for some of you reading this you might think that sounds crazy or a least really strange, but let me tell you about energy and the use of your voice vs. stuffing things down. I don’t care what the incident is, if things are going on in your face and you choose not to use your voice, you just may lose it; and if not your voice it will be something. The thing is that on the land everything is amplified, but so much is given to the ground, which helps. My mistake was that I didn’t give anything to the ground or the sky or the water I just kept it and it killed my voice at least for a little while. I know there were also other factors that could have contributed to me losing my voice. The dust out there, the weather that day, all the singing I was doing on other people’s sets that I wasn’t totally prepared for. All of these things could have been a factor, but I tell you I felt my voice leaving me as I walked away from the lodge that day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not walking away from the lodge ceremony all together. What I mean is that there will still be a lodge in Brooklyn and I will always take the opportunity to be in that ceremony whenever I can. I know how much power is in that circle. I didn’t panic. Well I did panic at first because the last time I lost my voice on the land I didn’t sing for a year and ended up having surgery. So honestly I did panic for a moment, but then my witches showed up and healing began.

On this day I had my final rehearsal with Hanifah and while we were in the rehearsal tent it started to rain like it was nobody’s business. It was at that moment that I started to think about the shows that were going to happen on Acoustic Stage because there is no tent covering there. Cris Williamson and Dance Brigade were scheduled that day and at that time, due to the amount of rain coming down, I figured that they would just cancel the shows on that stage for the day, which would be a bummer, but honestly the rain felt epic.

There are certain places that the Acoustic Stage sound travels, but toward the rehearsal tent is not one of them. So I wouldn’t know until much later that Cris’s show did go on, with workers from the stage standing over the musicians with umbrellas!

Yes hunny! These women held up umbrellas through the whole set. Instruments were covered with clear tarps and the show went on! I heard it was incredible and I’m sad I missed it, but I was glad that those who were willing to brave the rain got a show. Now as for Dance Brigade, they were not able to perform, but as luck would have it they were able to move their show to Saturday in the slot that Ferron was supposed to be in, and she was moved to Saturday night in place of Melissa Ferrick who couldn’t make it due to an injury. Wow! I felt bad for Melissa, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out, but I was glad that Dance Brigade got to do their thing and that Ferron would be headlining Night Stage one last time.


As time went on I could feel my voice slipping away, but I kept it moving. Elvira’s set was great and like Cris, she did it in the rain. The elements were supposed to let up by 8pm, but no dice. It just kept on coming. Sometimes it would slow down, but it surely wasn’t stopping. The duo of Elvira and Pam Parham her sign interpreter is one that I’m going to miss terribly. I hope there is a way for Elvira to take Pam with her wherever she goes. They are artistically made for each other.

Next up was Holly Near my secret girlfriend. No we are not nor have we ever dated, but she’s still my secret girlfriend. LOL. I love this woman so much! When I got on the land this year she was one of the first people I ran into. We talked for a while and that’s when she gave me an 80% invitation to sing on her set. I was praying for the other 20% and I got it. Holly asked me and a few others to sing on a medley of some of her most popular songs, which was wonderful! I wasn’t even mad about not being a part of the tambourine/vox hit because Rhiannon and Marcelle rocked that joint to the hilt! Daaayyyuummm! It rained pretty much through the whole set and people stayed. It was wonderful!

{Video: Marcelle & Rhiannon Tambouine/Vox Duo}

Then I stepped off and got ready for Toshi’s set. I asked Toshi before we got to the land if I could sing with her on her set. Why? A couple of weeks before Fest I went to see Big Lovely at Lincoln Center Out of Doors and then maybe a couple of weeks before that I sang with her and an amazing group of singers at Joe’s Pub for the Pete Seeger Sing-a-long. All I knew after both of those events was that I needed to sing with Toshi at Fest this year. So I called ahead and made a reservation so to speak and I’m glad I did because her set was off the chain! I sang with the band on the Pete Seeger song, “Which Side Are You On” and then I sang with them on “Sunshine,” which is one of my favorite Big Lovely songs! I was so amped! I was having a blast and that set went on! As I said, nothing was ending on time and nobody cared. It was pouring and Toshi sang, “Has anybody here seen the sunshine? Keeps shining in the pouring rain!” Perfect! Before the set closed we all left the stage except Toshi who broke out into her song “There and Back Again.” Yes indeed. We were going through.

Toshi in the rain!

Trust me when I tell you that more crying happened! Water on top of water.  I was all up in my feelings for sure after that set. Another day was done. We were that much closer to the end. I really couldn’t believe it. My voice was going and we would soon be leaving too. It was all too much.

Michfest 40: Long Live the Spirit of Sisterhood (Part 1)

Before we begin…
Please forgive me for any typos that you might see along the way or grammar that might be questionable. I am a self-editor and anyone who edits knows that is no easy task. I will do my best to make corrections after things are posted if need be.  Please read and enjoy.

Amoja ThreeRivers

This post is dedicated to Amoja ThreeRivers. A true trailblazer. May your soul fly free. Thank you for your work and gifts. Keep shining your light on us. Give Thanks!

Saturday, September 5, 2015 
I had a video conference call today. It had nothing to do with Festival and everything to do with my life. How I see things. How I’ve been operating. Do I want to continue to operate as I have been? It was a deep meeting. It was one that I have with myself often, but not so much with others. Well at least not someone who was willing to make an action plan with me. I guess that’s what I’m paying for, but it was more than that. I was on this call with a friend who is also a business/life coach cuz ain’t business my life after all? At least that’s how I feel most days. It’s challenging to draw a line in the sand, but I drew that line this past summer for a bit and it got me up out of my funk, but of course getting out of the mud is just one step. Not falling back in is another.

So today in my real talk/girl talk conference call my friend/coach says to me something that I tell people all the time. Something that I told a woman on the land as I was helping her to navigate what was coming up for her after the sweat lodge. I said, and it was said back to me today, “Go into your sadness. Go there, but don’t stay there. Don’t let it consume you, but go there so you can let it out.” So it is there that I will begin.

I am grieving for real. We are grieving, for real. It's a deep loss and that is when I remembered the five stages of grief. I think there are really more, but the “experts” say there are five:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Personally I would change the order to 1, 3, 2, 4, 5. But you get my point. Grieving is not linear so this blog won’t be either. In fact, this whole year was a lot of things, but linear was not one of them. So I’ll start where it hurts. It was probably one of the most emotional weeks of my life and I was only there for a week! I mean what of the long crew? I can only imagine. So with that I’m dropping in to my grief. Hold on to yourself…


 
August 10, 2015: Leaving the land
I cried in the van on the way to the airport. Silently I cried. I think only Juanita saw me. At least that’s what I think. I sunk down in the back and held on to my pillow as if it would beam me back into my tent. I was silently sobbing and wishing I could scream or at least wail and moan. It felt like something was being torn from my heart. Do I sound dramatic? Well, I hope I do because I need you to understand that I was and am in mourning. I am also in some deep denial. In fact De’Nile is a river running through my backyard. I’m not sure how far away we were from the land when I started crying. The tears came hard on my pillow. If I didn’t think that the wailing would have resulted in us having to pull over to console me, I really could have gone there. That’s how I left in that moment. Broken.
 
Upon leaving the land I kept thinking to myself, “Am I really never going to lay eyes on this place again? Really?” It all seemed like a bad dream. I was brokenhearted like losing a loved one or going through an unwanted, but expected breakup. I saw the signs, but I chose to ignore them. My only saving grace on that day was that I knew in a few short days I would see some of my Bay Area people again. I wouldn’t have to wait till next year. Wait…and here comes the sadness again. There is no next year! Damn!
 
September 5, 2015 (continued...)
I had planned my trip to Cali in my mind this past spring. I didn't have a lot of money at that time, but I did a gig at UC Irvine with Burnt Sugar and two of my people from LA came down to see me. One of my friends who happens to also be my first producer, came to the show and at that moment it clicked that I hadn’t seen his face for real in 5 years! That was way too long. At that moment I knew it was time for a trip. I didn’t know how, but I was going back to Cali and I was going to drive the Pacific Coast Highway.
 
As my dream trip got closer everything starting to fall into place. I had a place to stay in LA, I had a place in Big Sur, I didn’t know where I would stay in the Bay, but I was on my way to Fest so I knew that would remedy itself quickly and it did. I got so many offers of housing that I couldn’t even stay at all the places. I was going to Cali and it would be sweet re-entry relief.


 
Monday, August 3, 2015: Arrival
The morning that I headed to the airport I grabbed the pink Stetson that Bone gave me the year before and headed downstairs where my friend Ian was waiting to take me to the airport. We were on time, but then when I got the airport I found out that the flight was delayed. So now I was early, but still on my way.
 
At the gate I ran into Marie who is one of my lodge sisters. She was already posted up so I took a seat across from her and we caught up a bit. Then a while later, LaFrae walks up cool as usual. Clearly she knew about the delay. Well, looks like the morning gang is all here.

After about an extra hour wait, we were off. As we flew I was excited about being on my way to Fest and away from all the madness in New York. It was getting dark in my spirit. I needed some light and quick! I could always count on knowing that no matter what the year threw my way, there was always Michigan. If the year sucked I knew in August, there would be a bright side. If the year was bright then at Fest it would be super sun-shiny! That’s just how it always went. The ugly was minimized and the great was maximized. It was magic.
 
We landed in Grand Rapids, rounded up our things, LaFrae and I piled in the van with Qween and a couple of other women whose names I sadly can’t remember. It was so great to talk to Qween for a while on the way there. I know how things go at Fest and sometimes you never see folks long enough again to have a real good sit down, but that’s only because we are all working and there are so many people to sit down and talk to. Also when I’m at Fest I try and find some me time in all of it since we are out in nature, but honestly, like I tell everyone, Michfest is work. It’s not a vacation. It’s the best work ever, but it’s still work.
 
After a short ride in the van (about 2 hours or so) we arrive on the land, well we arrive at the road to the land and the line down the road is crazy! Now let me break this down for you. I usually arrive on Monday, but I have only seen the line to get in once and that’s when we drove in 2009. There is a road that leads to the festival gate and it’s about 3 miles long. The first time I saw the line it might have been a mile or two down the road, which was amazing to see in and of itself, but this year was bananas! The line was not just at the end of the road it was around the corner. I later found out that it was about 7 or 8 miles long! It was beautiful! I knew that the 40th was going to bring folks out of the woodwork and new folks who had never been, but wow! It was a sight to behold and I just loved seeing every bit that I could. My excitement for the line has never waned, but to be fair I have never had to wait in it. When artists and presenters come in they can bypass the line and go straight to the gate. It’s like Pre-TSA if you will. So to be fair my love for the line may not be shared by others who have to wait on it, but it still brings me joy.
 

As artists, we always go to the front gate first, refuel and van, maybe drop a couple of folks off, and then head to the back gate. This is the other road to get us to Central Heating, which is the performer support/workerville area. One of the best moments of getting out of the van at Central Heating is opening up the van door and seeing Penny or B.E. or Diana or Thokozani or Mariasha (who was back again after a few years absence) or any one of our fab sisters greeting you upon your exit from the van. You can always guarantee there will be faces you haven’t seen in a year sitting there seeming like they are waiting just for you. This year was no exception. We rolled in to see Staceyann, Elvira, Penny, Bunty and Lisa! Soon after LaFrae and I got out of the van and started pulling our things together to check in we were soon greeted by one of our favorite people, Vicki! Everything was so, so, so good. Immediately I felt better. “Welcome Home!”

Happy People!

I don’t really know how to convey to you how real that home is or how true that statement is. Welcome home. It’s not just some fake ass greeting that we throw around when we get to the land. We are home. Wonder Woman, the first Amazon I ever knew and loved, made her home on Paradise Island, but here the home of the Amazons is Michigan.


 
After all the greetings, I got my packet with my rehearsal schedule, 40th program book and calendar, put my stuff on a cart and headed to my home in the woods for the week. Funny enough my tent number was 51 This is only funny because last year Elvira started calling the outside world “Area 51.” No truer words have been spoken, but this year my Area 51 was inside the boundaries of the home.
 
When I got all my stuff into the tent that is when I started to take it all in. Was this the last time I would sleep out here? INSIDE VOICE: Oh no! No tears yet! I pulled them back, pulled it together and opened up the calendar. I started looking at the pictures that are always beautiful, but this year was even more special as they mixed black and white photos from early Fests with more recent pics. I was just flipping through as usual when all of sudden I realized there were dates missing. Dates of when submissions were due and I couldn’t find Fern Appreciation Day and then I just lost it. I just lost it right there in my tent. What do you mean I can’t submit for next year? Really? INSIDE VOICE: Really. Take a breath. Pull yourself together girl. Wipe your tears and go outside and play. OK. Pulling it. Leaving the tent. Going out to play.