Michfest 40: Home Going (Part 7)

Signs from Fairyland...

Sunday September 20, 2015
I’m on the road on my way back from a short tour with my other band Burnt Sugar/Rebellum. We did a quick Midwest run, which was really nice and strangely a very low stress trip. Along the way I got to see Tracy and Ginger from Fest and that was amazing. In fact it was such a blessing to see all my friends out there. We all get separated in this world and we think that seeing people on Facebook is keeping up with them, and although it is in a way, it's really not. It’s just a band-aid of sorts. Friendship requires talking to people, hearing their voice, seeing their face in person. Maybe I sound old, but that’s what it means to me so the cyber world takes some getting used to. It may keep us in touch, but we are not actually touching. I know that every friendship is different. There are some folks we don’t talk to much at all, but when we see them it’s like not a day has gone by. That is real and I understand that for sure. So I’ll take it as I can get it, but I miss your real face and I miss your real touch.

Me & Ginger in Pittsburgh (Festie Musician & Lodge Sister)

Me & Kendra Ross in Pittsburgh (Fab singer & awesome woman)

Me, Tracy & LaFrae in Detroit (Long Live Sisterhood)

Sunday August 9, 2015
On Sunday there is “church” on the land in the form of Ubaka Hill’s Drumsong Orchestra, Aleah’s One World Inspirational Choir and the Transformation Healing Circle. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to any of it even though it was the last time. Part of me just wanted to walk the land and see people and touch the ground and the trees and just sit with it all for a while. So I did that in part. I went to see part of the Drumsong Orchestra and then dipped out toward the end and just took some time for myself. I needed to wrap a few things up and swing by Crafts and take a moment to take it all in.

Tribute to Kumu Raylene

I knew I probably needed to be packing that day, but I couldn’t really bring myself to do it. At least not all of it. Besides Sunday being a church day it is also a day for comedy. I guess that’s there to make us laugh before we cry our way to the gate.

Elvira hosted the comedy stage, which featured Mimi Gonzalez, Julie Goldman and Karen Williams. 

The Comedy Crew

Mimi and Karen had great sets (I didn't get to see Julie's set), but the thing I remember most is Karen talking about the Denial Workshop. No there was not a real Denial Workshop on the land, but if there had been that joint would have been packed! I know I would have been leading the charge to the workshop area for that one. In fact they probably would have had to hold that workshop on the lawn in front of night stage.

Karen Williams

Both Mimi and Karen talked about their experiences at Fest, but Karen took it a step further and talked about her experiences in the world being a lesbian comic, a mother of black boys and how some so called liberal white women see her black boys. It was real, real, real and I love Karen for that. I also love the land for that. It’s one of the few places where you can get real, real, real, laugh about it, cry about it and then laugh about it again. The wave of emotions was non-stop. Karen had performed at many a Fest so she earned the right to every word she had to say that day. Like I said, Michfest was not perfect, but whose family is? That’s home right?

After the comedy stage I finally went back to my tent and started to pack. I was surprised I didn’t cry. Maybe I was all cried out at that point. I don’t know, but I just did what I had to do. Denial Workshop.

After packing for the most part, I went out to eat in the Belly Bowl for my last dinner there. After that I pulled myself together and went to the Candlelight Concert. Since it was the final one I suppose I should have been more excited, but I wasn’t. I wanted to skip it for several reasons, but being there reminded me of why I was there in the first place. I went to the candlelight concert with Alyson, Ruby and Maddie. Elvira was supposed to join us, but the place was so crowded that she probably couldn’t find us. I left right before the end. Right before the mass of womyn headed back to their tents. Once again I didn’t want to move with the crowd. I just needed to take that walk alone. But I will say this. Of all the things that happened at closing, I will not forget Julie playing a song she wrote called "Rising" sung by Vicki, and Tina, Sarah, Federika, Jill, Adaku and Naima dancing to it because, I mean, Wow! Honestly, I was half asleep before that, but that moment woke me right up. That was transcendent and I think that’s why I left right after that. I got it. It was time to go. As I walked up the road I heard the womyn howling at the moon. Give thanks.

"Rising"

Monday August 10th
I left in the morning. Not too early, but too early. I can’t remember exactly what I did that morning. I’m sure I walked a bit aimlessly wanting to take one more look at it all. I never made it back to the lodge area, but it is forever seared in my mind. It’s all seared in my mind really. I’m sure I got some hugs, but I do know that there were any tears in those moments. I gathered my things and my-self and eventually found my way to Central Heating to load the vans to head to the airport.

I was riding in the van with Judith and Juanita, Mazz, LaFrae and one more person I think I’m forgetting. It took us a while to all pile in the vans since were all saying our final farewells. As we drove away from Central Heating and turned the corner onto Lois Lane I could feel the wave coming over me. The final departure was here. As we tried to exit we got into a bit of a traffic jam with a truck trying to come in so it took us a little longer to leave. No problem there! But we eventually worked it all out and we were on our way.

And so we are back to the beginning. Back to my tears. Back to the moan I choked down. Back to my broken spirit. I can still feel the hurt in my heart, but I am lucky. I am in a business that will take me to many places all around the world and I know if I put the Bat signal (or in our case the Treeano signal), womyn will appear. I know it. I have seen it in action. So the tears were not so much for the women I may not see, but more for the place that I may never see again. They fell for the transformation that happened to me there. For the lifetime friendships that were forged there. For the dreams I had there and the truths that were realized there. For the tough conversations had there, but at least they happened. For the rough times and the joy. I only had 9 years there, but I think about those young girls that spent their whole life there and the and grown women who may not have been there all 40 years, but still spent their formative years there. It was my place of refuge even in the midst of the drama that outside forces tried to inject into the space. I will always stand up for women’s space. Space for women born female and this is not because I don’t think transwomen are women, but because there is a radically different life experience that happens for girls who are born into that body from day one weather you want it or not. It was in women’s spaces that I grew into the woman I am now. Without those spaces in Brooklyn, the Bronx, in retreat space all over this country and at Michfest I don’t know where I would be. I’m not saying I would be lost in the wilderness, but I am saying that my life would be vastly different. I think that everyone should be allowed to have space to gather with those who understand their experience and there is nothing wrong of phobic about that. There is safety in not having to explain EVERYTHING all the time. There is ease there. It’s exhausting having to be the teacher all the time! It’s exhausting and hear me when I tell you that women, ESPECIALLY women of color are teaching ALL THE TIME! So for one damn week, we would take the hat off unless you chose to keep it on and teach on the land. But if you didn’t want to do a damn thing, but be in the company of your sisters, hang out, sit under a tree, listen to some music, bury your demons, sing loudly to the ferns or what ever the hell you wanted to do; you were allowed to do THAT.

Signs from Fairyland...

Michfest 40: The Final Countdown * Chix: The Revolution (Part 6)

Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I’m walking over the Brooklyn Bridge heading home from my sometime-y day gig and I’m on the phone with my girl Po-Hong. We hadn’t talked in a while so walking over the bridge was a good way to get a good long catch up in and take in the scenery. In the midst of the convo in pops Fest and what it has done for us, and how we are in some deep denial about it ending. I started to wax nostalgic about it all when she reminded me that she had only gone twice, but since going her whole life changed. I had gone for 9 years and I can say the exact same thing, but what of the women who grew up there? I mean what of the women who went through their 20s and 30s there? I mention this because when I think about my 20s and 30s and how pivotal a time in my life that was it’s astounding. I mean I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to think about leaving New York. I grew up here. I’ve now lived here longer than the town I was raised in. New York is home.

If you went to the land for the first time in your teens (as was Lisa when she started the damn thing), or in the 20s, that is EVERYTHING. In my 20s there was no stopping me! Everything was doable and I knew it. I was very clear about it even in my uncertainty. I changed how I ate, I started making my own music, I was singing in bands, I started writing music, I was working out and staying out late. Drinking and carrying on hunny, and it was good! Really it was amazing! Everything about that time is amplified and romanticized, but at the time that Festival was started I’m sure it was like a tall glass of ice cold water on a hot ass day! I mean think about it. It’s 1976 and there they were. Creating a world of their own. One that was safe, testosterone free, free of sexism, free of homophobia, free of the stresses of every day life, free to commune among the trees with your sisters. Free! Sound like Utopia right? Well of course it does. But was it Utopia, of course it wasn’t, but that doesn’t matter to make my point here. The point is that these women created a world. They made their own Paradise Island in the woods. They created a safe haven in a world where things were not safe for women in general and lesbians in specific on a daily basis. It was everyone working together. The workers, the artists and the festival-goers. It was that combined energy that made Lisa say she would “never do it again” and then do it 39 more times. How do you say no to that kind of community? How do you turn your back on that deep of an intention? You don’t. You carry on. So again, I am thinking about these women and those who are a part of this legacy. Those who also invested with love (in all the ways it shows up) and sweat equity. Those like Shirley and Juanita and Julie and Myrna and Connie and Jenn and Bob and Sam and Chewy and Falcon and Aleah and Yaniyah and Martha and B.E. and Bonnie and Penny and Ubaka and Pat and Myrna and Deb and Karen and Cassandra and Alyson and Martha and Qween and Terri Lynn and Jill and Kelly and Tory and Sue and Shira and Emily and Felicia and Susan and so on and so on and so on and so on who loved and fought and hugged and kissed and made up and broke up and mended fences and cried and laughed and healed and danced and married and separated and had babies and left all kinds of trouble behind, and worked till they were exhausted and partied the same way, found a way out of no way and protected each other as it were the last days on earth.  Trailblazers. Career breakers. Business owners. I feel like I am rambling on, but I must say this. For me, these women Sweet Honey in the Rock, Linda Tillery, Casselberry-Dupree, Toshi Reagon, Ruthie Foster, Vicki Randle, Karen Williams, Mimi Gonzalez, Marga Gomez, for me, they are the ones. Some I knew about and others I learned about when I got to the land. You can’t be a black girl and not know Sweet Honey, but you can be a black girl and not know about Linda Tillery or Casselberry-Dupree so I learned. I got hip to so many artists I should have known, but did not know at all. I was schooled and I loved every waking and sleeping moment of it under the stars.

Pre-Night Stage love with Cris Williamson

Saturday August 8th (Continued…)
I got myself dressed and ready for Hanifah’s set. I’ve really been into jumpsuits and rompers lately so I found a little number at Mandy no less. I guess they are still “to the rescue.” You gotta be a New Yorker to get that joke, but anyway… I was still being as silent as possible as I prepared to hit the stage. As I said, Hanifah’s set and Chix were the only slots I was originally slated to do so no matter what, I had to make it work for tonight.

Hanifah is always great as usual! The crew for Fest this year was Christelle Durandy on keys & backing vox, DJ Rimarkable on Live & backing vox and me on tambourine, backing vox and shakers. Besides doing joints from her band St. Lo we also kicked into Irene Cara’s “Flashdance… What a Feeling!” Why? The flow of Hanifah’s set in part was about her time at the festival and what it has meant to her over the years. The set was a little emotional because I felt like it was full circle for me. When I first came to Fest 9 years ago I came with Hanifah. For some reason she chose me to be her bassist and honestly she is only one of three people I have ever played bass for besides myself. She will always have a special place in my heart for bringing me to Fest all those years ago.

Hanifah Walidah

I remember that first year thinking to myself that I didn’t know how I was going to get back to Fest, but I had to go back. Lo and behold, Hanifah was asked back two more times in a row for night stage and eventually I was invited to play on Day Stage with my band blaKbüshe!

I got through Hanifah’s set this year with no problem. My voice had worked, but now I needed to shut up again to make it through my songs on Chix Lix. I was just supposed to sing “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but Toshi asked me to sing with her for Chix and of course I said yes.

Between Hanifah and Chix was Ferron. Talk about beautiful. I was taken back to the first time I saw Ferron on night stage. In 2008 she shared the evening with Bitch and it was magical. Everyone, including me was in tears so you know it was magic. Anyway, this year was no exception. Since it was Saturday night, the last Night Stage ever, people were taking their time and Ferron did the same. She had an amazing set. I was supposed to be chilling just getting my voice together. I was quiet, but I had to see the set. When Ferron finished it was time for the last set of Chix Lix on Night Stage. Already? Already.

Ferron

I still wasn’t sure about my voice. I still wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sing the whole song. I was in my head and doing my best to get out of it because that was the only way I was going to make it through the song. As I said, I was singing “Every Woman” with Toshi first and then I got ready for my song. Chix was amazing that night! {SEE Chix Set List w/ Pics}. I mean I have been quite a few Chix and this was up there as one of the best in my book, but what else would it be? As we started to run down the songs it started to really sink in that this was it. This was really it and then I had to take a breath and compose myself again so I could get through.

When my song finally came up I knew I needed to take my time. As most of you know, I am known for wearing heals when I perform, but that night I wanted to feel the catwalk beneath my feet. So I sat on the edge of the stage and talked to the folks while I took off my shoes and then placed them next to Cathleen who was signing for Chix and then I started the song. I have to admit that it was a challenge at first. I was way deep in my head and I didn’t have time to stay there so I had to move into a different space quick. I had dancers that night so it was a big number. As I said, I sang “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but I changed the words to fit the feeling of the Festival. {READ my Remixed Michfest "Stronger" Lyrics}

Shoes off

After all my panic and concern everything worked out, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was challenging. When I’m performing I do my best to be as present as possible especially in situations like this. I want to remember as much as I can. You might be surprised at how many shows go by that I don’t remember a thing that happened. I needed to remember this. To that end, I do remember some of it. I remember walking down the catwalk and touching hands. I remember being at the end of it with the dancers behind me. I remember hoping that everyone was with me because although I could see in front of me it was dark and I couldn’t see behind me because the dancers were there. I did the best I could. I gave it everything that I had. I gave it all the love I had in me to give. I gave every last piece of myself and that was the best I could do. When I came off stage I was shaking my head and later C.C. asked me why I was doing that. She asked me if I thought I didn’t do well because she said it was amazing. I wasn’t shaking my head because I thought it was bad, but because that was it. Singing that night was challenging and I wanted it to come with a little more ease, but it was what it was and it was yet and still amazing. For the encore the girls came out and sang a medley of “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me ‘Round,” “Roar,” and “Amazon Womyn” the reboot and they were incredible. Then at the very end of "Amazon" we all came out had to hold on the last “Rise Again!” while we waited for the fireworks display and what a display it was. We’ve had fireworks at Fest in the past; that was nothing new, but it was the last fireworks we would see like that with those womyn in that place. With the fireworks came the waterworks. I can’t remember whose shoulder I cried on mine, but I do remember folks just standing on stage after it was all over. It was a real moment of disbelief about it all. A real, “What do we do now?” moment. I mean we all have lots to do. There is life going on while we are all on this land of ours and everyday it seems like the world is going more and more mad, but really, seriously (said in my best Bob voice), what do we do now?!

Rise Again!

Chix Lix Band: Revolution

I stood with everyone else just looking out over the crowd of women who slowly made their way back to their homes on the land. As I stood and looked to the sky and out over the people I saw these two young girls standing by the side of the stage looking as bewildered as the rest of us. So I walked over to them and asked their names. They said Emily and Emelia (I hope I am correct about the second name). I asked them how old they were and they said 13 and 14. I then asked them how long they had been coming to the festival and they said 13 years and 14 years respectively. So that was their whole life! What lucky girls. Then I asked them, “What are we going to do without summer camp?” Emily said she had no idea. Emelia said she hasn’t processed it all yet. I asked them where they lived. Emily said Minnesota and then just as quick she said, “You can come to my house and do a show. I have a bunk bed and you can sleep there!” At that moment I knew everything was gonna be alright. I asked them if they knew anyone with a farm and they said yes and I told them to find me on Facebook if they were allowed to be on there and let’s get this thing poppin’! It was such a wonderful moment, but really it made me think about all the little girls that had grown up there. It made me remember Ruby and Maddie and Zander and Jiji and Zuri and Cree and Naiobi and add your daughter, granddaughter or niece here.  Summer camp to the Nth degree.

I have been trying to explain to people for years that Michfest is much more than a music festival. It’s much more than the haters, misogynists and purveyors of negative vibrations of the world put out there about it. It was a magic place and although I might have overused the word magic in this post there is not a much better way to break it down.

After Night Stage on Saturday there is a party in the Belly Bowl for the workers. DJ Rimarkable made that joint happen out of her understanding that the workers needed that release at the end of the week. So for the last five years Ri has been bringing the workers a sweet release. But this year the party for me was bitter sweet. I didn’t dance a lot. I just wanted to remember my sisters dancing and singing and having a wonderful time together. Being free and open. It was a sight to behold and one I will hold in my heart for a good long time.

 Fireworks and Waterworks

Chix Lix: Revoulution (Song List)

Michfest 40

Chix Lix: Revolution

Songs (Not in Order)

1. Raise Your Glass by Pink (sung by Big Bad Gina w/ Gretchen Philips & Animal)

2. I'm Still Standing by Elton John (sung by Holly Hear)

3. Every Woman by Bernice Johnson Reagon (sung by Toshi Reagon, Shelley Nicole, Marcelle Davies-Lashley, Gina Breedlove)

4. Talkin' About Revolution by Tracy Chapman (performed by Bitch and C.C. Carter)

5. Shower the People you Love With Love by James Taylor 

(sung by Cris Williamson and Teresa Trull)

6. Sinnerman by Nina Simone (sung by Hanifah Walidah)

7. Revolutionary Feminist 70s TV Medly by BETTY

8. Woodstock by Joni Mitchell, Tuck & Patti (sung by Gina Breedlove and Christelle Durandy)

9. Earth Song by Michael Jackson (sing by Aleah Long and One World Inspirational Choir)

10. Stronger by Kelly Clarkson (sung by Shelley Nicole)

Encore: Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me 'Round/Roar/Amazon Womyn

Michfest 40: The Saturday Slow Down (Part 5)

Monday September 7, 2015
I’m on the bus again and there is nothing sexy at all about it. It is not a tour bus taking me to some swanky venue; it is the bus I take home to see my family because I don’t have a car anymore. That went the way of my first London trip with my band in 2007. It was either fix the car or take my $600, which was going to turn into $300 when I hit the UK shores with me one my trip. I chose the latter. I had some charity come and pick up the car for donation and that’s been it ever since. In essence that is the story of so much of my life, the sacrifice for the music. Now luckily in New York one can make that kind of choice without much worry because public transportation here, though in need of help, is still top notch. I learned that first hand in London when the Tube stopped at midnight. No such thing in NYC. You might have to wait a long while, but the train is coming.

Now riding the bus is always interesting. There is never a dull moment. I’ve been on a bus that broke down on Christmas Eve and they never talk about a refund. I’ve been on the bus that broke down in the Bronx on the way back to NYC. The Bronx? I mean I’m damn near home. I actually contemplated if I could make it across the Bruckner expressway on foot to get on the 6 train, which I knew was nearby. It would have been a real life Frogger situation if I had tried that one, but I did run across the Ohio Turnpike in 2009 to get the stuff that flew off the top of our van on the way to Fest so I was confident. LOL. I’ve been on the bus where the fuses have blown. Really? I’ve been on the bus caught in so much traffic that the 4 hour ride to Boston turned into 7! But through all these scenarios the objective was to get to my childhood home or to Brooklyn my chosen home. The things we will do to get home. Michigan was my chosen home, but sometimes I think it chose me.

On a Side Note: The night I wrote this entry the bus I was on actually broke down right as we were going through the toll plaza to get into the City. Some chick (sorry to sound like that, but you know what I’m saying) in her infinite wisdom and entitlement thought that she was going to get off the bus at the toll plaza and catch an Uber or a yellow cab right there. Of course the Port Authority authorities shut that shit down! But on the real, when they got the bus moving we only got as far as 2nd Avenue & 88th street when that joint broke down again! This time there was another bus coming behind us because it had been called when we were on the toll plaza. I finally made it home, but not before one of my friends came to pick me up at Penn Station where the bus let us off. What a night...

In late August during my Cali trip post-Fest I talked to Vicki about my sadness. She said she wasn’t feeling so bad because so many of the people that she loved from Fest were in her town or nearby so she knew she would see them again. I told her that it’s not so much the people, which I know I will see again, but it is the place, which I’m not so sure I’ll see again, which gives me pause. Luckily I’m in a business where I can put out an APB and say, “Hey folks, I’m coming to your town to play! Come see me!” And if schedules and the stars align there will be womyn in the house! There will be the faces and the love I remember, but I know that is not the case for everyone. I spoke to many folks on the land who were really sad about the possibility of not seeing certain people possibly ever again. One woman expressed the fact that she wanted her ashes spread there. Would that be able to happen now? Would her daughter who is not invested in that experience at all, honor her mother and bring her ashes back to the land because even if the festival never opens its gates again, the land is not going anywhere. Right?

Home is tricky. A slippery slope. For many of us, as soon as we were old enough to leave in some form or fashion we are out! I know I was and I love my family. But this place, as I said, was chosen or for some it chose us. For some we had no idea it would move us like it did. Me? I know I had no idea at all.

Saturday, August 8, 2015
This morning is always the longest if you are in Chix Lix. We have sound check in the morning that seems to never end. You could go and run two workshops and come back and that joint would still be going on and you wouldn’t have missed your spot. It’s real like that. On tap for Night Stage were Hanifah, Ferron and Chix Lix. That morning my voice was in even worse shape. I was trying not to panic, but I was surely concerned. So during this long sound check I really didn’t sing. I just said I was conserving so that I could make it all happen later. Folks got it so it was all cool. Also I knew folks heard what I sounded like so it was best for me to shut up.

Hanifah’s checked first I think. I just remember it being before Chix. I remember us being able to get through a few things and then we had to wrap it up and keep it moving. At some point during all this I got to talk to Gina. I think I was just looking for her so I could get the Loquat honey for my throat, but on the way to her tent I told her what happened at the sweat lodge the day before. So with that she went to work. I think I mentioned something about my witchy friends and Gina one of them.  I knew I was going to be OK, but she reiterated that point. She also told me to shut up and rest for the day, which I did, but with reluctance because that meant I was going to miss Staceyann on the Acoustic Stage and Crys Matthews, Mouth of Babes and Bitch on the Day Stage. I was bummed about that. I really wanted to see both sets, but Hanifah’s set and Chix were the original two sets that I was hired to be there to do. So I had to pull it all together.

I got the Loquat honey and went to my tent and lay down and went to sleep. I could hear Staceyann and Bitch wafting through the air. That is one of the beautiful things about workerville. Because of where it is situated you can hear everything. I could hear the crowd go up in a roar for Bitch during her set. It almost made me cry really. She’s been having such a time with protests from cowards who don’t know her. Humans are so good at making assumptions and believing their perceptions of others and not so good at real conversations and asking honest questions. More often than not, we just want to be right. The hell with the truth. But I digress...

 Showing Bitch big love! 

As I was in and out of sleep in my tent I just prayed I would make it through. I woke up and thought I should start doing some vocal exercises to see where I really was with my voice. Thank Goddess for Jeremiah Abiah my vocal coach because honestly he got me through everything vocally that night. The things I have learned from him are invaluable and I’m not done learning by a long shot. Am I giving my man a shameless plug? Hell Yeah! He’s the truth!

Me in my tent pulling it together

As I was going through my warm-ups I knew I was going to have to modify some things that night. My upper register was nonexistent. I just had nothing. Well nothing with power anyway. I could get up there is some weird space in my body that I knew was all wrong so I was just staying out of that lane for tonight. After a bit more prayer I pulled myself together to go eat. Of course I wasn’t talking to anyone at dinner cuz I had to keep it close to the vest. After dinner I got my things together and headed to Central Heating. Hanifah’s set was up first.

Michfest 40: My Voice and Has Anybody Here Seen the Sunshine? (Part 4)

Friday August 7, 2015
I knew this would be a hectic day. I had sound check for Toshi’s set in the morning (why because I was “crashing” her set too), then I was reminded by Nívea that I was scheduled to be part of the artist panel on the WOC tent, so I did that at 11am, only to have to be at the WOC lodge at 12pm to talk to the women with Yaniyah about what they might experience in the lodge, etc. I usually sweat in that lodge, but after the previous day I realized I was good on the sweats for the week. Earlier in the day Holly Near confirmed that I could sing with her on her set (yes “crashing” this set as well), but there was a rehearsal that I needed to try to make later in the day. I thought I could do it all. It seemed possible, well nothing says time like land time. Yes you can make plans, but don’t cling to them. So what had happened was...

Toshi sound check

Yaniyah and I gave our talk and we got everyone set and ready to go into the lodge. There were enough fire keepers and some extra folks to help so I thought we were all good to go. When everyone was in, I stepped out of the area to get to the rest of the things on my list. I was trying to catch Holly’s rehearsal, but things took a little longer than I expected so I missed it. Luckily I ran into her in the Belly Bowl and she was able to give me the talk through. She also told me that Marcelle and Rhiannon were going to be doing a vox/tambourine number during her set! What??!!! I wanted to be down with that so bad, but not even Holly was involved so I surely wasn’t getting in. After our short talk I figured I would catch Mazz’s set on Day Stage before heading back to the lodge. I’m glad I did because it was killing! I was sad to miss Aima the Dreamer and Reina Williams (two of my faves), but I heard both sets from a distance.

MazzMuse

After Mazz’s set was over I headed back to the WOC lodge just in time for the third door to be open and some folks were out. As is the way of the lodge on the land, you can come out when the door opens if you need to and go back in if you like. It seemed that the third door was long, intense and hot because Shirley asked the fire keepers to open the West Gate to let the air flow through. I checked on a few women to see if they were going to go back in. Some were staying out and others started to make their way back to the lodge.

Without getting into all the details, when all the women who were going back in the lodge were in, something happened outside of the lodge and I had to then work with one of the women who stayed out to make sure she was OK. Again, without getting into all of it I will say that the entire incident just reinforced for me the kind of feelings that were whirling around on the land that week. The exchange with this woman, while I believe was very healing for her, was so intense that I think the incident contributed to me losing my voice. Yes, on Friday night after I finished with Toshi’s set, which I will tell you about, I lost my voice. I think I lost it because I didn’t speak up about what I felt happened that day at the lodge. I know for some of you reading this you might think that sounds crazy or a least really strange, but let me tell you about energy and the use of your voice vs. stuffing things down. I don’t care what the incident is, if things are going on in your face and you choose not to use your voice, you just may lose it; and if not your voice it will be something. The thing is that on the land everything is amplified, but so much is given to the ground, which helps. My mistake was that I didn’t give anything to the ground or the sky or the water I just kept it and it killed my voice at least for a little while. I know there were also other factors that could have contributed to me losing my voice. The dust out there, the weather that day, all the singing I was doing on other people’s sets that I wasn’t totally prepared for. All of these things could have been a factor, but I tell you I felt my voice leaving me as I walked away from the lodge that day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not walking away from the lodge ceremony all together. What I mean is that there will still be a lodge in Brooklyn and I will always take the opportunity to be in that ceremony whenever I can. I know how much power is in that circle. I didn’t panic. Well I did panic at first because the last time I lost my voice on the land I didn’t sing for a year and ended up having surgery. So honestly I did panic for a moment, but then my witches showed up and healing began.

On this day I had my final rehearsal with Hanifah and while we were in the rehearsal tent it started to rain like it was nobody’s business. It was at that moment that I started to think about the shows that were going to happen on Acoustic Stage because there is no tent covering there. Cris Williamson and Dance Brigade were scheduled that day and at that time, due to the amount of rain coming down, I figured that they would just cancel the shows on that stage for the day, which would be a bummer, but honestly the rain felt epic.

There are certain places that the Acoustic Stage sound travels, but toward the rehearsal tent is not one of them. So I wouldn’t know until much later that Cris’s show did go on, with workers from the stage standing over the musicians with umbrellas!

Yes hunny! These women held up umbrellas through the whole set. Instruments were covered with clear tarps and the show went on! I heard it was incredible and I’m sad I missed it, but I was glad that those who were willing to brave the rain got a show. Now as for Dance Brigade, they were not able to perform, but as luck would have it they were able to move their show to Saturday in the slot that Ferron was supposed to be in, and she was moved to Saturday night in place of Melissa Ferrick who couldn’t make it due to an injury. Wow! I felt bad for Melissa, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out, but I was glad that Dance Brigade got to do their thing and that Ferron would be headlining Night Stage one last time.


As time went on I could feel my voice slipping away, but I kept it moving. Elvira’s set was great and like Cris, she did it in the rain. The elements were supposed to let up by 8pm, but no dice. It just kept on coming. Sometimes it would slow down, but it surely wasn’t stopping. The duo of Elvira and Pam Parham her sign interpreter is one that I’m going to miss terribly. I hope there is a way for Elvira to take Pam with her wherever she goes. They are artistically made for each other.

Next up was Holly Near my secret girlfriend. No we are not nor have we ever dated, but she’s still my secret girlfriend. LOL. I love this woman so much! When I got on the land this year she was one of the first people I ran into. We talked for a while and that’s when she gave me an 80% invitation to sing on her set. I was praying for the other 20% and I got it. Holly asked me and a few others to sing on a medley of some of her most popular songs, which was wonderful! I wasn’t even mad about not being a part of the tambourine/vox hit because Rhiannon and Marcelle rocked that joint to the hilt! Daaayyyuummm! It rained pretty much through the whole set and people stayed. It was wonderful!

{Video: Marcelle & Rhiannon Tambouine/Vox Duo}

Then I stepped off and got ready for Toshi’s set. I asked Toshi before we got to the land if I could sing with her on her set. Why? A couple of weeks before Fest I went to see Big Lovely at Lincoln Center Out of Doors and then maybe a couple of weeks before that I sang with her and an amazing group of singers at Joe’s Pub for the Pete Seeger Sing-a-long. All I knew after both of those events was that I needed to sing with Toshi at Fest this year. So I called ahead and made a reservation so to speak and I’m glad I did because her set was off the chain! I sang with the band on the Pete Seeger song, “Which Side Are You On” and then I sang with them on “Sunshine,” which is one of my favorite Big Lovely songs! I was so amped! I was having a blast and that set went on! As I said, nothing was ending on time and nobody cared. It was pouring and Toshi sang, “Has anybody here seen the sunshine? Keeps shining in the pouring rain!” Perfect! Before the set closed we all left the stage except Toshi who broke out into her song “There and Back Again.” Yes indeed. We were going through.

Toshi in the rain!

Trust me when I tell you that more crying happened! Water on top of water.  I was all up in my feelings for sure after that set. Another day was done. We were that much closer to the end. I really couldn’t believe it. My voice was going and we would soon be leaving too. It was all too much.

Michfest 40: Sweat Lodge, WOC Tent and a Melting Me (Part 3)

Sunday, September 6, 2015
I am on my parents back porch in MA and I can hear the water fountain bubbling, which is attached to the Koi pond that my mother dug herself. I call her the black Martha Stewart. There is a grasshopper trying to write with me or at least he seemed chill enough until he launched headlong my way. Really son? My grandfather is inside asleep. My parents are also inside watching golf. Yes, these are my people. It’s peaceful out here in the yard. I can hear the sounds of nature. I haven’t been here in a while, but my mom asks me if I want to take home some kale so I know the crop from her square garden was good this year. Clearly she managed to keep the deer and other hungry wildlife neighbors out. I am home and thinking about home. Home, the place that will crack you open and you won’t even know what hit you. Home. The place where everyone knows your name, and can lift you up or tear you down with just one look. Home.

Thursday, August 6, 2015
This was supposed to be my chill day. No rehearsals, no set, which meant time to do whatever I wanted to do. I signed up to keep fire at the sweat lodge that morning for the moon lodge with Fyre. I actually wanted to sit the lodge, but I knew we needed morning help. Just to be clear, morning help means that you have to be at the fire and starting to get it going by 5am. So there was no hanging for me on Wednesday night. I had to go right to bed after Night Stage.

Thursday morning I woke up early and got myself down to the lodge. That day I was keeping fire with Sharon and sadly I can’t remember who else, but it could have been Lola or Laura. Anyway, Sharon told me she wanted to go in the lodge that day. I told her that I wanted to as well, but knowing that we needed fire keepers I just opted to sit out. Well we talked about it and decided that she would do two doors and I would do two doors. But somehow it worked out that Sharon was able to sit all four doors and I sat two. Well, let me tell you, those had to be two of the most powerful doors I have sat in a while because afterward I was just a ball of tears. OMG!

When I came out of the lodge, Shirley was coming up from the Womyn of Color (WOC) tent dedication. I heard the African drums coming over the hill and I felt an urge like no other to be near them. So I just rolled down there fresh out of the lodge and ran into my friend Jaz and her wife Shawnta and proceeded to cry like a baby. I came in right at the moment Yaniyah was giving this powerful speech about Lisa who is there in the damn tent! I was done. I mean it was amazing and powerful and necessary and on point and I was a puddle through it all.

When that portion ended, the women who were instrumental in starting the WOC tent were brought up. I know Amoja and I believe Lola (not the one named above) were part of that and sadly I can't remember who else (if you know please let me know and I'll add them), but let me say I could be off about all the names because I was a hot mess at this point so I slipped out the side. I just couldn’t take anymore as the women started drumming again. I dragged myself back up to the lodge, rinsed off, got dressed and headed back out into the world. Not the real world, but to Festiland.

That day on Day Stage was Round Robin with Nedra Johnson, Gretchen Phillips, Holly Near, Marcelle Davies-Lashley and Cris Williamson and then Cocomama. Needless to say I missed both sets because after the lodge I was scheduled for a massage, but not just any old massage, a hot stone massage! Yes hunny, there were hot stones in the woods! So after the massage, even though I was melting, melting, melting, open to the point that someone could probably put a hand through me, I thought it was still a good idea to go see Gina Breedlove at Acoustic Stage. What was I thinking?! Really, what the hell was I thinking???! That woman proceeded to sing the house down and then start speaking in tongues to boot! Now just stop it. Folks didn’t know what hit them that afternoon. Sheeettt! I don’t know what hit me, but what I do know is that after Gina’s set I was damn near inconsolable. Anybody that came near me I could feel all their stuff. I was feeling everybody’s sadness, joy, anger, devastation and even numbness. I was a mess! LOL! I can laugh now, but that day, not so much. I know people that encountered me were probably like, “Whoa!” I was gone baby gone...

Medusa & Gina Breedlove

 

I wanted to stay for Marga Gomez, but I knew I needed to eat to find my way back to the ground. Also at some point during the day Elizabeth Ziff asked me if I would sing on the BETTY set. Great! But I’m a mess! She had no idea or maybe she did, but either way I had to pull it together.

Night Stage that evening was BETTY, Jill Sobule and Medusa. I really love them all and all my people were playing that night as well. Well, that’s crazy to say cuz all my people were playing every night on every stage, but that night I knew I would be up watching everyone.

BETTY

I pulled myself together enough to find something to put on for the BETTY set. It was just one song, but that now made two sets I had “crashed.” It was lots of fun to sing with Alyson, Amy, Elizabeth and everyone else who was asked to chime in the “E-I-E-I-O Yo!” chorus. Hey why not? I won’t get this opportunity again, like this, here.

Medusa

The Mama's Hustle Band

After the BETTY set, I quickly changed back into my “street clothes” to enjoy the rest of the night. Jill and Medusa were amazing as always. I first met Medusa in 1998 while working at VIBE magazine. I was invited to speak on a panel at a hip-hop conference at Oberlin and she was there as one of the musical guests. I had never heard of her before and for that event she came as Medusa and Feline Science. Her DJ then was Dres who has now gone on to take the yoga world by storm. Anyway, ever since that first meeting I have been in love with her style and that final Thursday night on the land she brought it along with Julie Wolf, Vicki Randle, LaFrae Sci, Kofy Brown, Shelley Doty, Judith Casselberry and Tammy Brooks. That set was nothing short of the super power that is the Gangster Pussy she sings about! And with that, another day is done.

Next stop: Paris!

Wednesday
 The night before I left for Paris with Burnt Sugar I had a fever 101.4.  I can't remember the last time I've had a fever.  It's just not something I usually get.  When I get sick it usually starts in my throat and this little sickness did just that. But while it was running it's course through my head, this time it decided to bring the heat. 

So on Wednesday night before I head to leave, I woke up in the middle of the night with chills. I couldn't believe it.  I'm not a pill popper so I didn't even know if I had anything in the house to break the fever. I needed something and fast. Luckily I had one last dose of sinus meds left so I promptly took that and tried to go back to sleep.  My saving grace was that my flight on Thursday was at 9pm so at least I didn't have to rush to get up and be at the airport.

Thursday
When I woke the next morning my fever was gone, but my head cold was not.  I was snotty to say the least and my head was killing me. I knew that would not make for a fun flight, but at least the fever was down.  I went out to run my last few errands, mainly to get more sinus meds to keep my fever and headache at bay, and when I returned home I leaned that our flight had been canceled and the new flight was almost two hours earlier!  OK, now I had to put the gas because I had to be at the airport two hours earlier than expected. 

I got myself together, was able to grab a list minute something from T-Kali to give to LaRonda to take to Paris and I was off.  T's husband Scott took me to the subway. I took the A train  to the AirTrain to JFK.  I made it in good time and saw some of the Sugar crew as I arrived at the terminal.  I checked in easily, I was carrying on my luggage so I went through security with Micah, and soon we were at the gate where we found Greg, Flip and LaFrae waiting.  Slowly the rest of the crew trickled in and we were off.

We never found out why they cancelled our first flight, but the plane was empty on the rescheduled flight.  We all had room to spread out and even lay down if we wanted to.  I was so glad because I was a walking commercial for Airborne. Anyone who would have had to sit next to me would have been mad about it because I was blowing my nose the whole way there and my head was killing me. I must have been up and down to the bathroom 5 or 6 times for all the tea and water I was drinking on the flight, but I was doing my best to push this cold out of me. 

One downside of the flight change was that was had to switch planes in London at Heathrow, which meant going through security all over again. Well if you know Heathrow then you know it can be a bitch to get through.  That day was no exception for me.  They were concerned that I had to many liquids so even though they were the right size they went through everything.  They ended up taking my saline solution for my contacts and my coconut oil. It's not in liquid form, but they said the container was too big. OK so now I'm sick and I'm going to have to be ashy??!! I was done.  I watched TSA do some other things that were just ridiculous and inconsistent, but I won't go into my TSA rant right now.  No time for that. Let's just jump ahead to us getting the hell out of there.  Can you tell I wasn't feeling good. LOL.

Friday
When we got to Paris, a couple of vans were there to greet us at the airport and then we were off to the hotel.  I was so done. I just felt like crawling under a rock. The cabin pressure made my head hurt so bad. So when I got to the hotel, I checked in, dropped my bags in my room, found pharmacy to get some lotion (no ash here), got a sandwich for lunch and then headed back to my hotel room to chill out.  While some of my other band mates headed to see the sites, I headed to the tub and to bed. I was needed to shake off this sickness before the show the next day.

I can't remember what time I went to sleep, but I didn't get up until about 7 or 7:30pm.  I knew I needed to get up to get some dinner or I would be hungry at some crazy hour of the night.  I had contemplated going to see Vernon Reid play with his other group the Free Form Funky Freqs, but I just didn't have it in me. Luckily I saw Vernon in the lobby before I went to get some food for the evening. I wished him well and he jumped in a van with the crew and headed to the show.  I got another sandwich for dinner and was going to head right back to bed when I spotted Vinia and Ben in the hotel restaurant.  I joined them and they told me about their day site seeing. We were soon joined by V. Jeff and it was a nice dinner vibe.  My head still hurt and I was still not all the way back so I headed back to my room, ate my sandwich, watched the Hunger Games in French (very cool) and went to bed. 

Saturday
I got up the next day in time to have breakfast. We had to meet the van that day to go to the venue around Noon. I was feeling much better. I wasn't 100%, but I could sing so I knew I would make it though the show.  Burnt Sugar was doing two sets that night and my set wasn't until about 8pm so I had a lot of time to chill and get myself together. 

The Stage at Theatre Jean-Vilar

View from the Stage and Jason D. reading the paper.

We were doing the Steely Dan show conducted by Vernon and a part of the David Bowie show conducted by Mikel.  Before that, another faction of the Sugar crew were performing a live soundtrack to Oscar Micheaux's Body & Soul starring Paul Robeson. That was off the hook! Really amazing. There was a brief break for a Q&A with Greg and then the rest of us were on for the Steely/Bowie hit.

It looks like pain, but it's really love.  Lafrea Sci, Micah Gaugh and a little Olu on the side.

Me and the ever funky V. Jeffery Smith.

Me and the beautiful songbird Vinia Mojica

The obligatory percussion set up shot!

Lewis "Flip" Barnes, V. Jeff, & Ben Tyree getting ready.

Abby Dobson, Vinia & Mikel Banks getting the Steely Dan lyrics together.

The show was really amazing and as one french review stated, we all looked fabulous! This was one of those shows were I felt very present. There was a moment while we were on stage where I felt a little choked up at the thought of my life.  It's surely not an easy road, but there I was in Paris, with my people, making music and having a magical time.  I mean really and honestly magical.  When these things are happening you have to be present because it goes by so quickly. Before you know it you are at the end of the set. I'm not saying I will never play Paris again, but it will never be like that again.  Every time will look and feel different, but hopefully every time will be just as grand. 

Ben warming things up and looking good doing it!

Latasha making sure Vernon is looking proper for the evening.

Abby tucking the braids under the wig for Micah.  Sista love!

I kept my cold at bay and felt better with every song. I sang "Monkey in Your Soul" in Karma's absence, my usual "Haitian Divorce" and "Show Biz Kids" with Vinia.  I also sang "Rebel Rebel" with Mikel and "Breaking Glass" with Abby & Vinia. There were so many highlights. I hope that Greg secretly taped the show. I would love to hear it all again. 

After the show we hung out at the venue for a bit and then headed back to the hotel.  Of course there is always the post-show high to contend with. So what do you do? You eat!  Thankfully there was one restaurant open across the street.  Greg, Vernon, Paula, Flip, Ben and Vinia headed over first. Soon I joined them along with Bruce, LaRonda, Latasha and Marc (for a brief moment).  We toasted the show, ate and talked until the restaurant gave us the "you ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell out of here" signal. 

A little post-show chat with Ben, Paula Henderson & Dave "Smoota" Smith. A little Mike Ladd back there too.

My super post show Caesar salad!

Hanging with the cool kids!

There was a little after party happening at the hotel. I stopped through, but soon I headed back to my room to do some last minute packing and to head to bed. We had to be up early to catch our flight in the morning.

Sunday
I got up, checked out and caught the breakfast buffet. I had my last meal in Paris for this trip and soon we were all piling on the vans to head to the airport.  Thankfully we were flying direct this time. No more Heathrow, at least on this trip.  They did stop to look in my bag at Charles de Gaulle, but this time it was my instrument bag with my percussion.  They didn't know what my vibraslap was.  I assured them it would only make them happy. 

It was a packed flight this time, but we were on our way home.  I wish we could have stayed a little bit longer, but as I said, I know I will be back that way again and hopefully my stay will be a bit longer.

We're on our way home...

Au revior Paris.

When we arrived back in New York, thankfully Ben was able to give me and V. Jeff a ride home. I was so delirious between my sickness and the jet lag.  I came home and crashed out. 

Burnt Sugar does Paris 2013 is a wrap. Give Thanks!