Michfest 40: Long Live the Spirit of Sisterhood (Part 1)

Before we begin…
Please forgive me for any typos that you might see along the way or grammar that might be questionable. I am a self-editor and anyone who edits knows that is no easy task. I will do my best to make corrections after things are posted if need be.  Please read and enjoy.

Amoja ThreeRivers

This post is dedicated to Amoja ThreeRivers. A true trailblazer. May your soul fly free. Thank you for your work and gifts. Keep shining your light on us. Give Thanks!

Saturday, September 5, 2015 
I had a video conference call today. It had nothing to do with Festival and everything to do with my life. How I see things. How I’ve been operating. Do I want to continue to operate as I have been? It was a deep meeting. It was one that I have with myself often, but not so much with others. Well at least not someone who was willing to make an action plan with me. I guess that’s what I’m paying for, but it was more than that. I was on this call with a friend who is also a business/life coach cuz ain’t business my life after all? At least that’s how I feel most days. It’s challenging to draw a line in the sand, but I drew that line this past summer for a bit and it got me up out of my funk, but of course getting out of the mud is just one step. Not falling back in is another.

So today in my real talk/girl talk conference call my friend/coach says to me something that I tell people all the time. Something that I told a woman on the land as I was helping her to navigate what was coming up for her after the sweat lodge. I said, and it was said back to me today, “Go into your sadness. Go there, but don’t stay there. Don’t let it consume you, but go there so you can let it out.” So it is there that I will begin.

I am grieving for real. We are grieving, for real. It's a deep loss and that is when I remembered the five stages of grief. I think there are really more, but the “experts” say there are five:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Personally I would change the order to 1, 3, 2, 4, 5. But you get my point. Grieving is not linear so this blog won’t be either. In fact, this whole year was a lot of things, but linear was not one of them. So I’ll start where it hurts. It was probably one of the most emotional weeks of my life and I was only there for a week! I mean what of the long crew? I can only imagine. So with that I’m dropping in to my grief. Hold on to yourself…


 
August 10, 2015: Leaving the land
I cried in the van on the way to the airport. Silently I cried. I think only Juanita saw me. At least that’s what I think. I sunk down in the back and held on to my pillow as if it would beam me back into my tent. I was silently sobbing and wishing I could scream or at least wail and moan. It felt like something was being torn from my heart. Do I sound dramatic? Well, I hope I do because I need you to understand that I was and am in mourning. I am also in some deep denial. In fact De’Nile is a river running through my backyard. I’m not sure how far away we were from the land when I started crying. The tears came hard on my pillow. If I didn’t think that the wailing would have resulted in us having to pull over to console me, I really could have gone there. That’s how I left in that moment. Broken.
 
Upon leaving the land I kept thinking to myself, “Am I really never going to lay eyes on this place again? Really?” It all seemed like a bad dream. I was brokenhearted like losing a loved one or going through an unwanted, but expected breakup. I saw the signs, but I chose to ignore them. My only saving grace on that day was that I knew in a few short days I would see some of my Bay Area people again. I wouldn’t have to wait till next year. Wait…and here comes the sadness again. There is no next year! Damn!
 
September 5, 2015 (continued...)
I had planned my trip to Cali in my mind this past spring. I didn't have a lot of money at that time, but I did a gig at UC Irvine with Burnt Sugar and two of my people from LA came down to see me. One of my friends who happens to also be my first producer, came to the show and at that moment it clicked that I hadn’t seen his face for real in 5 years! That was way too long. At that moment I knew it was time for a trip. I didn’t know how, but I was going back to Cali and I was going to drive the Pacific Coast Highway.
 
As my dream trip got closer everything starting to fall into place. I had a place to stay in LA, I had a place in Big Sur, I didn’t know where I would stay in the Bay, but I was on my way to Fest so I knew that would remedy itself quickly and it did. I got so many offers of housing that I couldn’t even stay at all the places. I was going to Cali and it would be sweet re-entry relief.


 
Monday, August 3, 2015: Arrival
The morning that I headed to the airport I grabbed the pink Stetson that Bone gave me the year before and headed downstairs where my friend Ian was waiting to take me to the airport. We were on time, but then when I got the airport I found out that the flight was delayed. So now I was early, but still on my way.
 
At the gate I ran into Marie who is one of my lodge sisters. She was already posted up so I took a seat across from her and we caught up a bit. Then a while later, LaFrae walks up cool as usual. Clearly she knew about the delay. Well, looks like the morning gang is all here.

After about an extra hour wait, we were off. As we flew I was excited about being on my way to Fest and away from all the madness in New York. It was getting dark in my spirit. I needed some light and quick! I could always count on knowing that no matter what the year threw my way, there was always Michigan. If the year sucked I knew in August, there would be a bright side. If the year was bright then at Fest it would be super sun-shiny! That’s just how it always went. The ugly was minimized and the great was maximized. It was magic.
 
We landed in Grand Rapids, rounded up our things, LaFrae and I piled in the van with Qween and a couple of other women whose names I sadly can’t remember. It was so great to talk to Qween for a while on the way there. I know how things go at Fest and sometimes you never see folks long enough again to have a real good sit down, but that’s only because we are all working and there are so many people to sit down and talk to. Also when I’m at Fest I try and find some me time in all of it since we are out in nature, but honestly, like I tell everyone, Michfest is work. It’s not a vacation. It’s the best work ever, but it’s still work.
 
After a short ride in the van (about 2 hours or so) we arrive on the land, well we arrive at the road to the land and the line down the road is crazy! Now let me break this down for you. I usually arrive on Monday, but I have only seen the line to get in once and that’s when we drove in 2009. There is a road that leads to the festival gate and it’s about 3 miles long. The first time I saw the line it might have been a mile or two down the road, which was amazing to see in and of itself, but this year was bananas! The line was not just at the end of the road it was around the corner. I later found out that it was about 7 or 8 miles long! It was beautiful! I knew that the 40th was going to bring folks out of the woodwork and new folks who had never been, but wow! It was a sight to behold and I just loved seeing every bit that I could. My excitement for the line has never waned, but to be fair I have never had to wait in it. When artists and presenters come in they can bypass the line and go straight to the gate. It’s like Pre-TSA if you will. So to be fair my love for the line may not be shared by others who have to wait on it, but it still brings me joy.
 

As artists, we always go to the front gate first, refuel and van, maybe drop a couple of folks off, and then head to the back gate. This is the other road to get us to Central Heating, which is the performer support/workerville area. One of the best moments of getting out of the van at Central Heating is opening up the van door and seeing Penny or B.E. or Diana or Thokozani or Mariasha (who was back again after a few years absence) or any one of our fab sisters greeting you upon your exit from the van. You can always guarantee there will be faces you haven’t seen in a year sitting there seeming like they are waiting just for you. This year was no exception. We rolled in to see Staceyann, Elvira, Penny, Bunty and Lisa! Soon after LaFrae and I got out of the van and started pulling our things together to check in we were soon greeted by one of our favorite people, Vicki! Everything was so, so, so good. Immediately I felt better. “Welcome Home!”

Happy People!

I don’t really know how to convey to you how real that home is or how true that statement is. Welcome home. It’s not just some fake ass greeting that we throw around when we get to the land. We are home. Wonder Woman, the first Amazon I ever knew and loved, made her home on Paradise Island, but here the home of the Amazons is Michigan.


 
After all the greetings, I got my packet with my rehearsal schedule, 40th program book and calendar, put my stuff on a cart and headed to my home in the woods for the week. Funny enough my tent number was 51 This is only funny because last year Elvira started calling the outside world “Area 51.” No truer words have been spoken, but this year my Area 51 was inside the boundaries of the home.
 
When I got all my stuff into the tent that is when I started to take it all in. Was this the last time I would sleep out here? INSIDE VOICE: Oh no! No tears yet! I pulled them back, pulled it together and opened up the calendar. I started looking at the pictures that are always beautiful, but this year was even more special as they mixed black and white photos from early Fests with more recent pics. I was just flipping through as usual when all of sudden I realized there were dates missing. Dates of when submissions were due and I couldn’t find Fern Appreciation Day and then I just lost it. I just lost it right there in my tent. What do you mean I can’t submit for next year? Really? INSIDE VOICE: Really. Take a breath. Pull yourself together girl. Wipe your tears and go outside and play. OK. Pulling it. Leaving the tent. Going out to play.