Michfest 40: The end is a Beginning... (Final Thoughts)

Post Script: Acceptance? Not so sure...
We are now into 2016 and I’m not sure I have reached acceptance. Before we left there were many conspiracy theories about how Fest would continue or how the torch would be passed and I honestly was hopeful. Very Hopeful.  Maybe it was all part of the denial that lives in my bones, but again, now, not so much.  I have heard a lot of things through the fern gully, but I won’t get into all the theories and rumors and second hand accounts passed my way, but I will say this.

I know that around February or March I am probably going to feel really sad. I already had a moment in Nov. 1st when the artist submission deadline came and went and there was no place to submit and usually around May I start to really feel the weight of the world, but it is then that I go to that place called “August is Coming.” I knew that no matter what life dropped on me there would be a week. One week where I could shed all that outside business and just be. Yes it was work, but it was some of the best work I’ve done in my life both inside myself and on stage. The women who saw my shows at Michfest, saw something very, very special.

What shall we do this first week in August this year? What shall we do? There have been many suggestions thrown out there and I know there are some plots and plans brewing in the minds of many women so I’ll be here waiting for the signal to go up. In spite of my sadness, I know that the loss of Fest will surely open doors for all of us. It will allow us to do something else with that block of time that maybe we would have never done if Fest hadn't ended. This end has forced us, or at least me, to rethink how I connect with friends and family day to day. No longer can we take for granted that we’ll see each other in one space like that again.

Post-Fest armband flow

I have a lot of friends who go to Burning Man and when Michfest was closing they couldn’t believe it. “No way!” they said. “Way,” I said. I told them and I’ll say it again, do not take your community gatherings for granted. Do Not! I have mourned the loss of community before and it sucks! Do not assume they will be there forever. The only thing constant in this world is change. Make no assumptions about what will be. Hug and kiss your friends and family. Love them up and make it count. We are in a strange time, tied to devices that lead us to believe that we are connected when we are not. I say this to you as much as I say it to myself, do not take for granted that you have time to see people. If you feel like you need to see someone or talk to them do it now. Do not wait. Do not wait.

My heart breaks for the loss of this community gathering. As I write this I am a little teary. I never expected my heart to feel this way. I never could have imagined what would happen to me on that land. Never could have imagined.

There are so many names that I did not call in these blog posts, not because I didn't meet you and hug you and care for you, but because if I start to write MY whole story of the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival I will surely have a short memoir on my hands. Although I went to 9 festivals there were so many things I never saw or experienced on the land. Every year I would say, "I'm going to attend __________ workshop," but I would or could never make it due to my own busy schedule. Well, I made it to a couple and even taught one, but really I missed a lot.  In fact this past Fest was the first time I saw Fairlyland.  The first time and it was amazing! I know as you read my story you have many, many stories of your own. Tell your story.

I am blessed to be part of an artistic and activist community that grew out of the dirt.  I am so thankful to have this experience in the record of my life.  I am so thankful to Hanifah for inviting me into this circle. I am thankful to Cassandra for casting my breasts. I am thankful to Lisa and Terri Lynn for saying yes to blaKbüshe and all the women who made up the ladies contingent of my band through the years (Julie: keys, Vicki: percussion/vox, Alex: guitar, Ganessa: bass, Ki Ki: vox, Achuziam: vox, Viva: guitar, Pamela: guitar, LaFrae: drums, Lucianna: drums, Christelle: percussion, Maritri: vox, Tiffany: vox, Cathleen: sign interpreter, Kelly Horrigan: design, styling & makeup, Micah: styling & design, Shelly: styling & makeup and Gaetano: styling & design). I am thankful to the craftswomen who carried their goods to the woods. I am thankful for Susan and Golden Rod for believing in women's music. I am thankful for all the hands the built that city year after year from scratch only to break it all down and store it away for the next year.  I am thankful to all the hands that cooked food and all the healers that laid hands.  I am thankful to Amoja, Martha, Pat and all the women of color who created and maintained the WOC tent. I am thankful for Shirley and the sweat lodge and how the spirits moved me to bring that ceremony to Brooklyn. I am thankful for every hand on deck that made that joint happened.  I am in gratitude more then words can express.

Damn you Lisa Vogel! Thank you Lisa Vogel. Thank you, all the women who I met in person or who met me through my music on that land. Because of you I am changed and I will never stop standing for women. Give Thanks! 

Without whom...

Michfest 40: Home Going (Part 7)

Signs from Fairyland...

Sunday September 20, 2015
I’m on the road on my way back from a short tour with my other band Burnt Sugar/Rebellum. We did a quick Midwest run, which was really nice and strangely a very low stress trip. Along the way I got to see Tracy and Ginger from Fest and that was amazing. In fact it was such a blessing to see all my friends out there. We all get separated in this world and we think that seeing people on Facebook is keeping up with them, and although it is in a way, it's really not. It’s just a band-aid of sorts. Friendship requires talking to people, hearing their voice, seeing their face in person. Maybe I sound old, but that’s what it means to me so the cyber world takes some getting used to. It may keep us in touch, but we are not actually touching. I know that every friendship is different. There are some folks we don’t talk to much at all, but when we see them it’s like not a day has gone by. That is real and I understand that for sure. So I’ll take it as I can get it, but I miss your real face and I miss your real touch.

Me & Ginger in Pittsburgh (Festie Musician & Lodge Sister)

Me & Kendra Ross in Pittsburgh (Fab singer & awesome woman)

Me, Tracy & LaFrae in Detroit (Long Live Sisterhood)

Sunday August 9, 2015
On Sunday there is “church” on the land in the form of Ubaka Hill’s Drumsong Orchestra, Aleah’s One World Inspirational Choir and the Transformation Healing Circle. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to any of it even though it was the last time. Part of me just wanted to walk the land and see people and touch the ground and the trees and just sit with it all for a while. So I did that in part. I went to see part of the Drumsong Orchestra and then dipped out toward the end and just took some time for myself. I needed to wrap a few things up and swing by Crafts and take a moment to take it all in.

Tribute to Kumu Raylene

I knew I probably needed to be packing that day, but I couldn’t really bring myself to do it. At least not all of it. Besides Sunday being a church day it is also a day for comedy. I guess that’s there to make us laugh before we cry our way to the gate.

Elvira hosted the comedy stage, which featured Mimi Gonzalez, Julie Goldman and Karen Williams. 

The Comedy Crew

Mimi and Karen had great sets (I didn't get to see Julie's set), but the thing I remember most is Karen talking about the Denial Workshop. No there was not a real Denial Workshop on the land, but if there had been that joint would have been packed! I know I would have been leading the charge to the workshop area for that one. In fact they probably would have had to hold that workshop on the lawn in front of night stage.

Karen Williams

Both Mimi and Karen talked about their experiences at Fest, but Karen took it a step further and talked about her experiences in the world being a lesbian comic, a mother of black boys and how some so called liberal white women see her black boys. It was real, real, real and I love Karen for that. I also love the land for that. It’s one of the few places where you can get real, real, real, laugh about it, cry about it and then laugh about it again. The wave of emotions was non-stop. Karen had performed at many a Fest so she earned the right to every word she had to say that day. Like I said, Michfest was not perfect, but whose family is? That’s home right?

After the comedy stage I finally went back to my tent and started to pack. I was surprised I didn’t cry. Maybe I was all cried out at that point. I don’t know, but I just did what I had to do. Denial Workshop.

After packing for the most part, I went out to eat in the Belly Bowl for my last dinner there. After that I pulled myself together and went to the Candlelight Concert. Since it was the final one I suppose I should have been more excited, but I wasn’t. I wanted to skip it for several reasons, but being there reminded me of why I was there in the first place. I went to the candlelight concert with Alyson, Ruby and Maddie. Elvira was supposed to join us, but the place was so crowded that she probably couldn’t find us. I left right before the end. Right before the mass of womyn headed back to their tents. Once again I didn’t want to move with the crowd. I just needed to take that walk alone. But I will say this. Of all the things that happened at closing, I will not forget Julie playing a song she wrote called "Rising" sung by Vicki, and Tina, Sarah, Federika, Jill, Adaku and Naima dancing to it because, I mean, Wow! Honestly, I was half asleep before that, but that moment woke me right up. That was transcendent and I think that’s why I left right after that. I got it. It was time to go. As I walked up the road I heard the womyn howling at the moon. Give thanks.

"Rising"

Monday August 10th
I left in the morning. Not too early, but too early. I can’t remember exactly what I did that morning. I’m sure I walked a bit aimlessly wanting to take one more look at it all. I never made it back to the lodge area, but it is forever seared in my mind. It’s all seared in my mind really. I’m sure I got some hugs, but I do know that there were any tears in those moments. I gathered my things and my-self and eventually found my way to Central Heating to load the vans to head to the airport.

I was riding in the van with Judith and Juanita, Mazz, LaFrae and one more person I think I’m forgetting. It took us a while to all pile in the vans since were all saying our final farewells. As we drove away from Central Heating and turned the corner onto Lois Lane I could feel the wave coming over me. The final departure was here. As we tried to exit we got into a bit of a traffic jam with a truck trying to come in so it took us a little longer to leave. No problem there! But we eventually worked it all out and we were on our way.

And so we are back to the beginning. Back to my tears. Back to the moan I choked down. Back to my broken spirit. I can still feel the hurt in my heart, but I am lucky. I am in a business that will take me to many places all around the world and I know if I put the Bat signal (or in our case the Treeano signal), womyn will appear. I know it. I have seen it in action. So the tears were not so much for the women I may not see, but more for the place that I may never see again. They fell for the transformation that happened to me there. For the lifetime friendships that were forged there. For the dreams I had there and the truths that were realized there. For the tough conversations had there, but at least they happened. For the rough times and the joy. I only had 9 years there, but I think about those young girls that spent their whole life there and the and grown women who may not have been there all 40 years, but still spent their formative years there. It was my place of refuge even in the midst of the drama that outside forces tried to inject into the space. I will always stand up for women’s space. Space for women born female and this is not because I don’t think transwomen are women, but because there is a radically different life experience that happens for girls who are born into that body from day one weather you want it or not. It was in women’s spaces that I grew into the woman I am now. Without those spaces in Brooklyn, the Bronx, in retreat space all over this country and at Michfest I don’t know where I would be. I’m not saying I would be lost in the wilderness, but I am saying that my life would be vastly different. I think that everyone should be allowed to have space to gather with those who understand their experience and there is nothing wrong of phobic about that. There is safety in not having to explain EVERYTHING all the time. There is ease there. It’s exhausting having to be the teacher all the time! It’s exhausting and hear me when I tell you that women, ESPECIALLY women of color are teaching ALL THE TIME! So for one damn week, we would take the hat off unless you chose to keep it on and teach on the land. But if you didn’t want to do a damn thing, but be in the company of your sisters, hang out, sit under a tree, listen to some music, bury your demons, sing loudly to the ferns or what ever the hell you wanted to do; you were allowed to do THAT.

Signs from Fairyland...

Michfest 40: The Final Countdown * Chix: The Revolution (Part 6)

Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I’m walking over the Brooklyn Bridge heading home from my sometime-y day gig and I’m on the phone with my girl Po-Hong. We hadn’t talked in a while so walking over the bridge was a good way to get a good long catch up in and take in the scenery. In the midst of the convo in pops Fest and what it has done for us, and how we are in some deep denial about it ending. I started to wax nostalgic about it all when she reminded me that she had only gone twice, but since going her whole life changed. I had gone for 9 years and I can say the exact same thing, but what of the women who grew up there? I mean what of the women who went through their 20s and 30s there? I mention this because when I think about my 20s and 30s and how pivotal a time in my life that was it’s astounding. I mean I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to think about leaving New York. I grew up here. I’ve now lived here longer than the town I was raised in. New York is home.

If you went to the land for the first time in your teens (as was Lisa when she started the damn thing), or in the 20s, that is EVERYTHING. In my 20s there was no stopping me! Everything was doable and I knew it. I was very clear about it even in my uncertainty. I changed how I ate, I started making my own music, I was singing in bands, I started writing music, I was working out and staying out late. Drinking and carrying on hunny, and it was good! Really it was amazing! Everything about that time is amplified and romanticized, but at the time that Festival was started I’m sure it was like a tall glass of ice cold water on a hot ass day! I mean think about it. It’s 1976 and there they were. Creating a world of their own. One that was safe, testosterone free, free of sexism, free of homophobia, free of the stresses of every day life, free to commune among the trees with your sisters. Free! Sound like Utopia right? Well of course it does. But was it Utopia, of course it wasn’t, but that doesn’t matter to make my point here. The point is that these women created a world. They made their own Paradise Island in the woods. They created a safe haven in a world where things were not safe for women in general and lesbians in specific on a daily basis. It was everyone working together. The workers, the artists and the festival-goers. It was that combined energy that made Lisa say she would “never do it again” and then do it 39 more times. How do you say no to that kind of community? How do you turn your back on that deep of an intention? You don’t. You carry on. So again, I am thinking about these women and those who are a part of this legacy. Those who also invested with love (in all the ways it shows up) and sweat equity. Those like Shirley and Juanita and Julie and Myrna and Connie and Jenn and Bob and Sam and Chewy and Falcon and Aleah and Yaniyah and Martha and B.E. and Bonnie and Penny and Ubaka and Pat and Myrna and Deb and Karen and Cassandra and Alyson and Martha and Qween and Terri Lynn and Jill and Kelly and Tory and Sue and Shira and Emily and Felicia and Susan and so on and so on and so on and so on who loved and fought and hugged and kissed and made up and broke up and mended fences and cried and laughed and healed and danced and married and separated and had babies and left all kinds of trouble behind, and worked till they were exhausted and partied the same way, found a way out of no way and protected each other as it were the last days on earth.  Trailblazers. Career breakers. Business owners. I feel like I am rambling on, but I must say this. For me, these women Sweet Honey in the Rock, Linda Tillery, Casselberry-Dupree, Toshi Reagon, Ruthie Foster, Vicki Randle, Karen Williams, Mimi Gonzalez, Marga Gomez, for me, they are the ones. Some I knew about and others I learned about when I got to the land. You can’t be a black girl and not know Sweet Honey, but you can be a black girl and not know about Linda Tillery or Casselberry-Dupree so I learned. I got hip to so many artists I should have known, but did not know at all. I was schooled and I loved every waking and sleeping moment of it under the stars.

Pre-Night Stage love with Cris Williamson

Saturday August 8th (Continued…)
I got myself dressed and ready for Hanifah’s set. I’ve really been into jumpsuits and rompers lately so I found a little number at Mandy no less. I guess they are still “to the rescue.” You gotta be a New Yorker to get that joke, but anyway… I was still being as silent as possible as I prepared to hit the stage. As I said, Hanifah’s set and Chix were the only slots I was originally slated to do so no matter what, I had to make it work for tonight.

Hanifah is always great as usual! The crew for Fest this year was Christelle Durandy on keys & backing vox, DJ Rimarkable on Live & backing vox and me on tambourine, backing vox and shakers. Besides doing joints from her band St. Lo we also kicked into Irene Cara’s “Flashdance… What a Feeling!” Why? The flow of Hanifah’s set in part was about her time at the festival and what it has meant to her over the years. The set was a little emotional because I felt like it was full circle for me. When I first came to Fest 9 years ago I came with Hanifah. For some reason she chose me to be her bassist and honestly she is only one of three people I have ever played bass for besides myself. She will always have a special place in my heart for bringing me to Fest all those years ago.

Hanifah Walidah

I remember that first year thinking to myself that I didn’t know how I was going to get back to Fest, but I had to go back. Lo and behold, Hanifah was asked back two more times in a row for night stage and eventually I was invited to play on Day Stage with my band blaKbüshe!

I got through Hanifah’s set this year with no problem. My voice had worked, but now I needed to shut up again to make it through my songs on Chix Lix. I was just supposed to sing “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but Toshi asked me to sing with her for Chix and of course I said yes.

Between Hanifah and Chix was Ferron. Talk about beautiful. I was taken back to the first time I saw Ferron on night stage. In 2008 she shared the evening with Bitch and it was magical. Everyone, including me was in tears so you know it was magic. Anyway, this year was no exception. Since it was Saturday night, the last Night Stage ever, people were taking their time and Ferron did the same. She had an amazing set. I was supposed to be chilling just getting my voice together. I was quiet, but I had to see the set. When Ferron finished it was time for the last set of Chix Lix on Night Stage. Already? Already.

Ferron

I still wasn’t sure about my voice. I still wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sing the whole song. I was in my head and doing my best to get out of it because that was the only way I was going to make it through the song. As I said, I was singing “Every Woman” with Toshi first and then I got ready for my song. Chix was amazing that night! {SEE Chix Set List w/ Pics}. I mean I have been quite a few Chix and this was up there as one of the best in my book, but what else would it be? As we started to run down the songs it started to really sink in that this was it. This was really it and then I had to take a breath and compose myself again so I could get through.

When my song finally came up I knew I needed to take my time. As most of you know, I am known for wearing heals when I perform, but that night I wanted to feel the catwalk beneath my feet. So I sat on the edge of the stage and talked to the folks while I took off my shoes and then placed them next to Cathleen who was signing for Chix and then I started the song. I have to admit that it was a challenge at first. I was way deep in my head and I didn’t have time to stay there so I had to move into a different space quick. I had dancers that night so it was a big number. As I said, I sang “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, but I changed the words to fit the feeling of the Festival. {READ my Remixed Michfest "Stronger" Lyrics}

Shoes off

After all my panic and concern everything worked out, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was challenging. When I’m performing I do my best to be as present as possible especially in situations like this. I want to remember as much as I can. You might be surprised at how many shows go by that I don’t remember a thing that happened. I needed to remember this. To that end, I do remember some of it. I remember walking down the catwalk and touching hands. I remember being at the end of it with the dancers behind me. I remember hoping that everyone was with me because although I could see in front of me it was dark and I couldn’t see behind me because the dancers were there. I did the best I could. I gave it everything that I had. I gave it all the love I had in me to give. I gave every last piece of myself and that was the best I could do. When I came off stage I was shaking my head and later C.C. asked me why I was doing that. She asked me if I thought I didn’t do well because she said it was amazing. I wasn’t shaking my head because I thought it was bad, but because that was it. Singing that night was challenging and I wanted it to come with a little more ease, but it was what it was and it was yet and still amazing. For the encore the girls came out and sang a medley of “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me ‘Round,” “Roar,” and “Amazon Womyn” the reboot and they were incredible. Then at the very end of "Amazon" we all came out had to hold on the last “Rise Again!” while we waited for the fireworks display and what a display it was. We’ve had fireworks at Fest in the past; that was nothing new, but it was the last fireworks we would see like that with those womyn in that place. With the fireworks came the waterworks. I can’t remember whose shoulder I cried on mine, but I do remember folks just standing on stage after it was all over. It was a real moment of disbelief about it all. A real, “What do we do now?” moment. I mean we all have lots to do. There is life going on while we are all on this land of ours and everyday it seems like the world is going more and more mad, but really, seriously (said in my best Bob voice), what do we do now?!

Rise Again!

Chix Lix Band: Revolution

I stood with everyone else just looking out over the crowd of women who slowly made their way back to their homes on the land. As I stood and looked to the sky and out over the people I saw these two young girls standing by the side of the stage looking as bewildered as the rest of us. So I walked over to them and asked their names. They said Emily and Emelia (I hope I am correct about the second name). I asked them how old they were and they said 13 and 14. I then asked them how long they had been coming to the festival and they said 13 years and 14 years respectively. So that was their whole life! What lucky girls. Then I asked them, “What are we going to do without summer camp?” Emily said she had no idea. Emelia said she hasn’t processed it all yet. I asked them where they lived. Emily said Minnesota and then just as quick she said, “You can come to my house and do a show. I have a bunk bed and you can sleep there!” At that moment I knew everything was gonna be alright. I asked them if they knew anyone with a farm and they said yes and I told them to find me on Facebook if they were allowed to be on there and let’s get this thing poppin’! It was such a wonderful moment, but really it made me think about all the little girls that had grown up there. It made me remember Ruby and Maddie and Zander and Jiji and Zuri and Cree and Naiobi and add your daughter, granddaughter or niece here.  Summer camp to the Nth degree.

I have been trying to explain to people for years that Michfest is much more than a music festival. It’s much more than the haters, misogynists and purveyors of negative vibrations of the world put out there about it. It was a magic place and although I might have overused the word magic in this post there is not a much better way to break it down.

After Night Stage on Saturday there is a party in the Belly Bowl for the workers. DJ Rimarkable made that joint happen out of her understanding that the workers needed that release at the end of the week. So for the last five years Ri has been bringing the workers a sweet release. But this year the party for me was bitter sweet. I didn’t dance a lot. I just wanted to remember my sisters dancing and singing and having a wonderful time together. Being free and open. It was a sight to behold and one I will hold in my heart for a good long time.

 Fireworks and Waterworks

Chix Lix: Revoulution (Song List)

Michfest 40

Chix Lix: Revolution

Songs (Not in Order)

1. Raise Your Glass by Pink (sung by Big Bad Gina w/ Gretchen Philips & Animal)

2. I'm Still Standing by Elton John (sung by Holly Hear)

3. Every Woman by Bernice Johnson Reagon (sung by Toshi Reagon, Shelley Nicole, Marcelle Davies-Lashley, Gina Breedlove)

4. Talkin' About Revolution by Tracy Chapman (performed by Bitch and C.C. Carter)

5. Shower the People you Love With Love by James Taylor 

(sung by Cris Williamson and Teresa Trull)

6. Sinnerman by Nina Simone (sung by Hanifah Walidah)

7. Revolutionary Feminist 70s TV Medly by BETTY

8. Woodstock by Joni Mitchell, Tuck & Patti (sung by Gina Breedlove and Christelle Durandy)

9. Earth Song by Michael Jackson (sing by Aleah Long and One World Inspirational Choir)

10. Stronger by Kelly Clarkson (sung by Shelley Nicole)

Encore: Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me 'Round/Roar/Amazon Womyn

Michfest 40: The Saturday Slow Down (Part 5)

Monday September 7, 2015
I’m on the bus again and there is nothing sexy at all about it. It is not a tour bus taking me to some swanky venue; it is the bus I take home to see my family because I don’t have a car anymore. That went the way of my first London trip with my band in 2007. It was either fix the car or take my $600, which was going to turn into $300 when I hit the UK shores with me one my trip. I chose the latter. I had some charity come and pick up the car for donation and that’s been it ever since. In essence that is the story of so much of my life, the sacrifice for the music. Now luckily in New York one can make that kind of choice without much worry because public transportation here, though in need of help, is still top notch. I learned that first hand in London when the Tube stopped at midnight. No such thing in NYC. You might have to wait a long while, but the train is coming.

Now riding the bus is always interesting. There is never a dull moment. I’ve been on a bus that broke down on Christmas Eve and they never talk about a refund. I’ve been on the bus that broke down in the Bronx on the way back to NYC. The Bronx? I mean I’m damn near home. I actually contemplated if I could make it across the Bruckner expressway on foot to get on the 6 train, which I knew was nearby. It would have been a real life Frogger situation if I had tried that one, but I did run across the Ohio Turnpike in 2009 to get the stuff that flew off the top of our van on the way to Fest so I was confident. LOL. I’ve been on the bus where the fuses have blown. Really? I’ve been on the bus caught in so much traffic that the 4 hour ride to Boston turned into 7! But through all these scenarios the objective was to get to my childhood home or to Brooklyn my chosen home. The things we will do to get home. Michigan was my chosen home, but sometimes I think it chose me.

On a Side Note: The night I wrote this entry the bus I was on actually broke down right as we were going through the toll plaza to get into the City. Some chick (sorry to sound like that, but you know what I’m saying) in her infinite wisdom and entitlement thought that she was going to get off the bus at the toll plaza and catch an Uber or a yellow cab right there. Of course the Port Authority authorities shut that shit down! But on the real, when they got the bus moving we only got as far as 2nd Avenue & 88th street when that joint broke down again! This time there was another bus coming behind us because it had been called when we were on the toll plaza. I finally made it home, but not before one of my friends came to pick me up at Penn Station where the bus let us off. What a night...

In late August during my Cali trip post-Fest I talked to Vicki about my sadness. She said she wasn’t feeling so bad because so many of the people that she loved from Fest were in her town or nearby so she knew she would see them again. I told her that it’s not so much the people, which I know I will see again, but it is the place, which I’m not so sure I’ll see again, which gives me pause. Luckily I’m in a business where I can put out an APB and say, “Hey folks, I’m coming to your town to play! Come see me!” And if schedules and the stars align there will be womyn in the house! There will be the faces and the love I remember, but I know that is not the case for everyone. I spoke to many folks on the land who were really sad about the possibility of not seeing certain people possibly ever again. One woman expressed the fact that she wanted her ashes spread there. Would that be able to happen now? Would her daughter who is not invested in that experience at all, honor her mother and bring her ashes back to the land because even if the festival never opens its gates again, the land is not going anywhere. Right?

Home is tricky. A slippery slope. For many of us, as soon as we were old enough to leave in some form or fashion we are out! I know I was and I love my family. But this place, as I said, was chosen or for some it chose us. For some we had no idea it would move us like it did. Me? I know I had no idea at all.

Saturday, August 8, 2015
This morning is always the longest if you are in Chix Lix. We have sound check in the morning that seems to never end. You could go and run two workshops and come back and that joint would still be going on and you wouldn’t have missed your spot. It’s real like that. On tap for Night Stage were Hanifah, Ferron and Chix Lix. That morning my voice was in even worse shape. I was trying not to panic, but I was surely concerned. So during this long sound check I really didn’t sing. I just said I was conserving so that I could make it all happen later. Folks got it so it was all cool. Also I knew folks heard what I sounded like so it was best for me to shut up.

Hanifah’s checked first I think. I just remember it being before Chix. I remember us being able to get through a few things and then we had to wrap it up and keep it moving. At some point during all this I got to talk to Gina. I think I was just looking for her so I could get the Loquat honey for my throat, but on the way to her tent I told her what happened at the sweat lodge the day before. So with that she went to work. I think I mentioned something about my witchy friends and Gina one of them.  I knew I was going to be OK, but she reiterated that point. She also told me to shut up and rest for the day, which I did, but with reluctance because that meant I was going to miss Staceyann on the Acoustic Stage and Crys Matthews, Mouth of Babes and Bitch on the Day Stage. I was bummed about that. I really wanted to see both sets, but Hanifah’s set and Chix were the original two sets that I was hired to be there to do. So I had to pull it all together.

I got the Loquat honey and went to my tent and lay down and went to sleep. I could hear Staceyann and Bitch wafting through the air. That is one of the beautiful things about workerville. Because of where it is situated you can hear everything. I could hear the crowd go up in a roar for Bitch during her set. It almost made me cry really. She’s been having such a time with protests from cowards who don’t know her. Humans are so good at making assumptions and believing their perceptions of others and not so good at real conversations and asking honest questions. More often than not, we just want to be right. The hell with the truth. But I digress...

 Showing Bitch big love! 

As I was in and out of sleep in my tent I just prayed I would make it through. I woke up and thought I should start doing some vocal exercises to see where I really was with my voice. Thank Goddess for Jeremiah Abiah my vocal coach because honestly he got me through everything vocally that night. The things I have learned from him are invaluable and I’m not done learning by a long shot. Am I giving my man a shameless plug? Hell Yeah! He’s the truth!

Me in my tent pulling it together

As I was going through my warm-ups I knew I was going to have to modify some things that night. My upper register was nonexistent. I just had nothing. Well nothing with power anyway. I could get up there is some weird space in my body that I knew was all wrong so I was just staying out of that lane for tonight. After a bit more prayer I pulled myself together to go eat. Of course I wasn’t talking to anyone at dinner cuz I had to keep it close to the vest. After dinner I got my things together and headed to Central Heating. Hanifah’s set was up first.

Michfest 40: My Voice and Has Anybody Here Seen the Sunshine? (Part 4)

Friday August 7, 2015
I knew this would be a hectic day. I had sound check for Toshi’s set in the morning (why because I was “crashing” her set too), then I was reminded by Nívea that I was scheduled to be part of the artist panel on the WOC tent, so I did that at 11am, only to have to be at the WOC lodge at 12pm to talk to the women with Yaniyah about what they might experience in the lodge, etc. I usually sweat in that lodge, but after the previous day I realized I was good on the sweats for the week. Earlier in the day Holly Near confirmed that I could sing with her on her set (yes “crashing” this set as well), but there was a rehearsal that I needed to try to make later in the day. I thought I could do it all. It seemed possible, well nothing says time like land time. Yes you can make plans, but don’t cling to them. So what had happened was...

Toshi sound check

Yaniyah and I gave our talk and we got everyone set and ready to go into the lodge. There were enough fire keepers and some extra folks to help so I thought we were all good to go. When everyone was in, I stepped out of the area to get to the rest of the things on my list. I was trying to catch Holly’s rehearsal, but things took a little longer than I expected so I missed it. Luckily I ran into her in the Belly Bowl and she was able to give me the talk through. She also told me that Marcelle and Rhiannon were going to be doing a vox/tambourine number during her set! What??!!! I wanted to be down with that so bad, but not even Holly was involved so I surely wasn’t getting in. After our short talk I figured I would catch Mazz’s set on Day Stage before heading back to the lodge. I’m glad I did because it was killing! I was sad to miss Aima the Dreamer and Reina Williams (two of my faves), but I heard both sets from a distance.

MazzMuse

After Mazz’s set was over I headed back to the WOC lodge just in time for the third door to be open and some folks were out. As is the way of the lodge on the land, you can come out when the door opens if you need to and go back in if you like. It seemed that the third door was long, intense and hot because Shirley asked the fire keepers to open the West Gate to let the air flow through. I checked on a few women to see if they were going to go back in. Some were staying out and others started to make their way back to the lodge.

Without getting into all the details, when all the women who were going back in the lodge were in, something happened outside of the lodge and I had to then work with one of the women who stayed out to make sure she was OK. Again, without getting into all of it I will say that the entire incident just reinforced for me the kind of feelings that were whirling around on the land that week. The exchange with this woman, while I believe was very healing for her, was so intense that I think the incident contributed to me losing my voice. Yes, on Friday night after I finished with Toshi’s set, which I will tell you about, I lost my voice. I think I lost it because I didn’t speak up about what I felt happened that day at the lodge. I know for some of you reading this you might think that sounds crazy or a least really strange, but let me tell you about energy and the use of your voice vs. stuffing things down. I don’t care what the incident is, if things are going on in your face and you choose not to use your voice, you just may lose it; and if not your voice it will be something. The thing is that on the land everything is amplified, but so much is given to the ground, which helps. My mistake was that I didn’t give anything to the ground or the sky or the water I just kept it and it killed my voice at least for a little while. I know there were also other factors that could have contributed to me losing my voice. The dust out there, the weather that day, all the singing I was doing on other people’s sets that I wasn’t totally prepared for. All of these things could have been a factor, but I tell you I felt my voice leaving me as I walked away from the lodge that day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not walking away from the lodge ceremony all together. What I mean is that there will still be a lodge in Brooklyn and I will always take the opportunity to be in that ceremony whenever I can. I know how much power is in that circle. I didn’t panic. Well I did panic at first because the last time I lost my voice on the land I didn’t sing for a year and ended up having surgery. So honestly I did panic for a moment, but then my witches showed up and healing began.

On this day I had my final rehearsal with Hanifah and while we were in the rehearsal tent it started to rain like it was nobody’s business. It was at that moment that I started to think about the shows that were going to happen on Acoustic Stage because there is no tent covering there. Cris Williamson and Dance Brigade were scheduled that day and at that time, due to the amount of rain coming down, I figured that they would just cancel the shows on that stage for the day, which would be a bummer, but honestly the rain felt epic.

There are certain places that the Acoustic Stage sound travels, but toward the rehearsal tent is not one of them. So I wouldn’t know until much later that Cris’s show did go on, with workers from the stage standing over the musicians with umbrellas!

Yes hunny! These women held up umbrellas through the whole set. Instruments were covered with clear tarps and the show went on! I heard it was incredible and I’m sad I missed it, but I was glad that those who were willing to brave the rain got a show. Now as for Dance Brigade, they were not able to perform, but as luck would have it they were able to move their show to Saturday in the slot that Ferron was supposed to be in, and she was moved to Saturday night in place of Melissa Ferrick who couldn’t make it due to an injury. Wow! I felt bad for Melissa, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out, but I was glad that Dance Brigade got to do their thing and that Ferron would be headlining Night Stage one last time.


As time went on I could feel my voice slipping away, but I kept it moving. Elvira’s set was great and like Cris, she did it in the rain. The elements were supposed to let up by 8pm, but no dice. It just kept on coming. Sometimes it would slow down, but it surely wasn’t stopping. The duo of Elvira and Pam Parham her sign interpreter is one that I’m going to miss terribly. I hope there is a way for Elvira to take Pam with her wherever she goes. They are artistically made for each other.

Next up was Holly Near my secret girlfriend. No we are not nor have we ever dated, but she’s still my secret girlfriend. LOL. I love this woman so much! When I got on the land this year she was one of the first people I ran into. We talked for a while and that’s when she gave me an 80% invitation to sing on her set. I was praying for the other 20% and I got it. Holly asked me and a few others to sing on a medley of some of her most popular songs, which was wonderful! I wasn’t even mad about not being a part of the tambourine/vox hit because Rhiannon and Marcelle rocked that joint to the hilt! Daaayyyuummm! It rained pretty much through the whole set and people stayed. It was wonderful!

{Video: Marcelle & Rhiannon Tambouine/Vox Duo}

Then I stepped off and got ready for Toshi’s set. I asked Toshi before we got to the land if I could sing with her on her set. Why? A couple of weeks before Fest I went to see Big Lovely at Lincoln Center Out of Doors and then maybe a couple of weeks before that I sang with her and an amazing group of singers at Joe’s Pub for the Pete Seeger Sing-a-long. All I knew after both of those events was that I needed to sing with Toshi at Fest this year. So I called ahead and made a reservation so to speak and I’m glad I did because her set was off the chain! I sang with the band on the Pete Seeger song, “Which Side Are You On” and then I sang with them on “Sunshine,” which is one of my favorite Big Lovely songs! I was so amped! I was having a blast and that set went on! As I said, nothing was ending on time and nobody cared. It was pouring and Toshi sang, “Has anybody here seen the sunshine? Keeps shining in the pouring rain!” Perfect! Before the set closed we all left the stage except Toshi who broke out into her song “There and Back Again.” Yes indeed. We were going through.

Toshi in the rain!

Trust me when I tell you that more crying happened! Water on top of water.  I was all up in my feelings for sure after that set. Another day was done. We were that much closer to the end. I really couldn’t believe it. My voice was going and we would soon be leaving too. It was all too much.

Michfest 40: Sweat Lodge, WOC Tent and a Melting Me (Part 3)

Sunday, September 6, 2015
I am on my parents back porch in MA and I can hear the water fountain bubbling, which is attached to the Koi pond that my mother dug herself. I call her the black Martha Stewart. There is a grasshopper trying to write with me or at least he seemed chill enough until he launched headlong my way. Really son? My grandfather is inside asleep. My parents are also inside watching golf. Yes, these are my people. It’s peaceful out here in the yard. I can hear the sounds of nature. I haven’t been here in a while, but my mom asks me if I want to take home some kale so I know the crop from her square garden was good this year. Clearly she managed to keep the deer and other hungry wildlife neighbors out. I am home and thinking about home. Home, the place that will crack you open and you won’t even know what hit you. Home. The place where everyone knows your name, and can lift you up or tear you down with just one look. Home.

Thursday, August 6, 2015
This was supposed to be my chill day. No rehearsals, no set, which meant time to do whatever I wanted to do. I signed up to keep fire at the sweat lodge that morning for the moon lodge with Fyre. I actually wanted to sit the lodge, but I knew we needed morning help. Just to be clear, morning help means that you have to be at the fire and starting to get it going by 5am. So there was no hanging for me on Wednesday night. I had to go right to bed after Night Stage.

Thursday morning I woke up early and got myself down to the lodge. That day I was keeping fire with Sharon and sadly I can’t remember who else, but it could have been Lola or Laura. Anyway, Sharon told me she wanted to go in the lodge that day. I told her that I wanted to as well, but knowing that we needed fire keepers I just opted to sit out. Well we talked about it and decided that she would do two doors and I would do two doors. But somehow it worked out that Sharon was able to sit all four doors and I sat two. Well, let me tell you, those had to be two of the most powerful doors I have sat in a while because afterward I was just a ball of tears. OMG!

When I came out of the lodge, Shirley was coming up from the Womyn of Color (WOC) tent dedication. I heard the African drums coming over the hill and I felt an urge like no other to be near them. So I just rolled down there fresh out of the lodge and ran into my friend Jaz and her wife Shawnta and proceeded to cry like a baby. I came in right at the moment Yaniyah was giving this powerful speech about Lisa who is there in the damn tent! I was done. I mean it was amazing and powerful and necessary and on point and I was a puddle through it all.

When that portion ended, the women who were instrumental in starting the WOC tent were brought up. I know Amoja and I believe Lola (not the one named above) were part of that and sadly I can't remember who else (if you know please let me know and I'll add them), but let me say I could be off about all the names because I was a hot mess at this point so I slipped out the side. I just couldn’t take anymore as the women started drumming again. I dragged myself back up to the lodge, rinsed off, got dressed and headed back out into the world. Not the real world, but to Festiland.

That day on Day Stage was Round Robin with Nedra Johnson, Gretchen Phillips, Holly Near, Marcelle Davies-Lashley and Cris Williamson and then Cocomama. Needless to say I missed both sets because after the lodge I was scheduled for a massage, but not just any old massage, a hot stone massage! Yes hunny, there were hot stones in the woods! So after the massage, even though I was melting, melting, melting, open to the point that someone could probably put a hand through me, I thought it was still a good idea to go see Gina Breedlove at Acoustic Stage. What was I thinking?! Really, what the hell was I thinking???! That woman proceeded to sing the house down and then start speaking in tongues to boot! Now just stop it. Folks didn’t know what hit them that afternoon. Sheeettt! I don’t know what hit me, but what I do know is that after Gina’s set I was damn near inconsolable. Anybody that came near me I could feel all their stuff. I was feeling everybody’s sadness, joy, anger, devastation and even numbness. I was a mess! LOL! I can laugh now, but that day, not so much. I know people that encountered me were probably like, “Whoa!” I was gone baby gone...

Medusa & Gina Breedlove

 

I wanted to stay for Marga Gomez, but I knew I needed to eat to find my way back to the ground. Also at some point during the day Elizabeth Ziff asked me if I would sing on the BETTY set. Great! But I’m a mess! She had no idea or maybe she did, but either way I had to pull it together.

Night Stage that evening was BETTY, Jill Sobule and Medusa. I really love them all and all my people were playing that night as well. Well, that’s crazy to say cuz all my people were playing every night on every stage, but that night I knew I would be up watching everyone.

BETTY

I pulled myself together enough to find something to put on for the BETTY set. It was just one song, but that now made two sets I had “crashed.” It was lots of fun to sing with Alyson, Amy, Elizabeth and everyone else who was asked to chime in the “E-I-E-I-O Yo!” chorus. Hey why not? I won’t get this opportunity again, like this, here.

Medusa

The Mama's Hustle Band

After the BETTY set, I quickly changed back into my “street clothes” to enjoy the rest of the night. Jill and Medusa were amazing as always. I first met Medusa in 1998 while working at VIBE magazine. I was invited to speak on a panel at a hip-hop conference at Oberlin and she was there as one of the musical guests. I had never heard of her before and for that event she came as Medusa and Feline Science. Her DJ then was Dres who has now gone on to take the yoga world by storm. Anyway, ever since that first meeting I have been in love with her style and that final Thursday night on the land she brought it along with Julie Wolf, Vicki Randle, LaFrae Sci, Kofy Brown, Shelley Doty, Judith Casselberry and Tammy Brooks. That set was nothing short of the super power that is the Gangster Pussy she sings about! And with that, another day is done.

Ladies & Gentlemen: The Boycott Show (& a few more surprises!)

I know this blog is really late, but so much has happened since the Boycott Show on March 15th. I thought I was going to be able to sit down right after the show and recap it all for you, but the world keeps turning. Also since I don’t have an assistant...yet, I have to keep the wheels on my personal life bus moving. Please forgive me for the long delay.

Since the show I have had so many conversations about what happened, how I felt, how I feel, how to move forward, etc. The reasons this show had to happen in the first place are so layered, but after the myriad of conversations I’ve been involved in, I know that these are conversations that need to keep happening. Conversation is key here and it’s a big point in my blog so without further ado I bring you the Boycott Show wrap up.

Here we go...
We had an amazing show at Freebrook on March 15th, but I know there are still a lot of questions about what happened. Those of you who follow me on Facebook might have seen my angry rant, had no idea what I was talking about, and were a little shocked because I don’t usually take to Facebook in that manner. But Monday, March 10th – Sunday, March 16th I ran through every emotion in the book. It was a tough week that ended gloriously. So what happened?

Back to the Beginning: Wednesday, February 19th
I received an email from the Purim Spectacle Committee, which included three organizations (Jews for Racial & Economic Justice, Aftselokhes Spectacle Committee, and the Workmen's Circle),
asking if my band blaKbüshe could play this year’s Purim event on March 15th. In the email they said, “You guys really turned the dance floor up a notch and we hope so dearly you will play again and rock our party.”

They were correct in that quote. We played Purim two years ago and we did indeed rock the house. We also had a really fun time. I had no idea what to expect when we got there that first year, but it was a really cool event. Puppets, oxtails and social justice were on the menu that night. Not to mention lots of revelry. It was a good time.

Monday, February 24th
It took a few days, but I was able to confirm that blaKbüshe could play for Purim this year. To which I received the reply, “This is great news. We are so excited to have you in our line up!” I was also excited.

My full band hadn’t played since last summer and to be honest I wasn’t planning any shows. My focus has been on recording the next project, which I feel like is long, long overdue (even though I know everything is on time). But when the Purim folks reached out to me I thought it would be a great place to play after being away so long.  I was feeling really good about what was ahead.

Monday March 3rd
Then I got an email from Matsu, my drummer, asking if I would be interested in having two of his friends from Japan who are dancers, sit in on the show. Shin and Zabu are members of collective in Japan called WeFunk. Matsu gave me a few links to check them out online and I have to admit I was shocked by the sheer number of people in the collective. It is a crew of over 150 folks (singers, dancers, musicians) and all they perform is Funk! Matsu also showed his friends a clip of blaKbüshe and they were really interested in working with us.

Shin lives here in NY, but his brother Zabu who lives in Japan was visiting for a few weeks. They really wanted to find someplace to perform while he was in town so this seemed like the perfect opportunity. After checking out their clips I told Shin and Matsu that it was a go!

Thursday March 6th
We had our first of two band rehearsals today. Shin and Zabu came through so they could get a feel for the music and make some decisions about what they were going to dance to. We had a great rehearsal and the guys were amazing! This made me even more excited about the show. I had never officially had dancers in a show so this was so great! I never really thought of myself as being a band that people could dance to, but why not?! At the end of that rehearsal they decided to dance to “In Your View” and “Power on the Floor.” Nice!

Everything was coming along nicely. I spoke to Kelly Horrigan about helping me to put together an outfit for the show. We were scheduled to meet on Tuesday, March 11th. Then I would be able to give the band a little more clarity about what to wear and we would be off to the races.

Friday March 7th
Just when it seemed like things couldn’t get better, the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival lineup was announced. Holy Cow! I had known for some time that I was on the festival and headlining again, but when I saw the lineup I was so excited about the 39th year of the festival. The New York contingent is in effect this year including Climbing PoeTree, Toshi Reagon and BIGLovely, MazzMuse, Marcelle Davies-Lashley, Cocomama and blaKbüshe. Of course my west coast folks are representing as well, but the person who stood out for me was Beverly McClellan!!! I don’t know if you watched the first season of the Voice, but Beverly was one of the four finalists on Christina’s team. She is a vocal beast!!! I can’t wait to see her on the land. Whoo Hoo!!! It was a good Friday indeed, but little did I know, this simple announcement would become my steam roller and a reactionary battle cry.

Monday, March 10th (12:47am)
I received an email from the representative from the Purim committee who I had been corresponding with saying she needed to talk to me, but realized she didn’t have my number so I should give her a call. I really thought nothing of it. I replied to the email with my number;  saying that I was up, but she must have gone to bed.

“There’s a Shit Storm Coming!” (11:58am)
The statement above is the actual subject line of an email that was sent to me and another artist by a good friend, about what was about to go down. When I opened the email it said:

“I just found out that the Purim Collective voted to take Shelley off the bill because she’s performing at Michfest and a bunch of the Purim organizers are supporters of the Michfest boycott. They plan on calling you this afternoon. I didn’t want you to be blindsided. I just wanted to give you a heads up even though you probably know. I wanted you to know that there are people ready to support you Shelley if you want or need that.”

Well...I did NOT know. So her email did catch me off guard, but not as far off as that phone call would have. Now I knew exactly why the committee was trying to get hold of me via phone after we had been corresponding via email the whole time.

I got my friend who sent me the email on the phone, and she broke down what was happening. Honestly after I got her email I knew EXACTLY what was happening. Therein began my wave of emotions. My Monday morning emotion was, “Whatever! If they don’t want me on the event, then I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted.” Well, that was the morning.

I know some of you are wondering how a issue with Michfest could have made its way to a Purim event in Brooklyn. So I’ll break it down for you in a nutshell because that’s all we really have time for.

Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival is just what the name says. It’s a WOMEN’S music festival. That means that ONLY WOMEN attend the festival and ONLY WOMEN build everything on the land to make the festival happen. The only time there are men on the land is when they come to clean the port-a-janes at the end of each night. So, the protest/challenge for many years, long before I even started attending, is around trans-inclusion in the festival. There are some who feel that the festival should be for womyn-born-womyn only meaning that you must have been born a girl and more specifically born anatomically into a woman’s body in order to attend the festival, while others feel this is not a fair assessment of womanhood in these changing times of gender identity and politics. Now as you can imagine this is a tricky and touchy subject to say the least and one that I’m not about to begin to address here, but let's take a moment to contemplate the challenges on both sides of this argument. It’s not only about gender politics it’s about the body politic. Feel me?

As for me, I have been blessed to be able to heal in women-only spaces for years and I am not about to argue against those spaces because they have made me a better woman, a better person and helped me to step into my power in such meaningful and profound ways. Michfest has been one of these powerful spaces. I don’t just go back year after year because it’s something to do for a week in August; I go back because it’s a refuge. It’s a week of no men and the energy that comes with that in the world. Let me also make something clear, I love men. I have some of the most wonderful men in my life in both my professional and personal circles, but sometimes a girl needs a break from even the most evolved man!   I will not apologize for my love of the festival, the land or for what is has meant to me over these last eight years. I have made personal and professional friendships that will last me a lifetime on and off the stage. I will not apologize for the tears and scars I have left there that the land has taken from me so that I can fly. I will not apologize for wanting my spaces with women as I know it and have known it, so I will not be bullied or made to feel ashamed of my love for this place or these women. I will not be made to feel ashamed of the love I feel when I walk through those gates and hear the words, "Welcome Home." But that does not mean that I am anti-trans and/or not open to having a conversation about the changing face of womanhood. I'm not afraid to ask or be asked the hard questions, but if you only want to throw fear, shame and angry gestures my way, then any conversation we could have had will be a wrap!  Trust me, I'm being real polite right now.  Feel me? OK. Let’s carry on.

The Call (10:28pm)
The whole day went by and no call from my Purim committee rep. I was in total “Act as if...” mode already. Even though I had gotten the earlier email telling me what was coming, I just kept moving forward with show plans. My thought, until I hear it from the horse’s mouth, it’s not a done deal. Then on my way home from a pretty stellar night, I got the call.

When the Purim rep told me that I was voted off of the show due to the fact that I was headlining Michfest I guess I shouldn’t have been shocked, but I really was and soon became angry (my second and third emotions) because A) this is NOT the first time I’ve played festival. In fact this year will make my 8th! So if the committee was really that dedicated to protesting the festival and the artists who play there then they would have vetted me! All they would have had to do was 5-minutes of research and they would have found out that I have played Fest MANY times and participated in many capacities. AND if they were REALLY dedicated to this protest they just wouldn’t have invited me from the get go! B) No one on the committee did me the courtesy of calling to talk about how they felt once the Michfest lineup came out. No one asked me about my politics. No one took a moment to say, “Hey, Shelley has supported us and has been promoting the event to get people out so maybe we need to check in with her and see where she’s coming from and let her know what our challenges are.” No! None of THAT happened. Instead, in what felt like a total reactionary move they voted me off the show and then sent a woman who really wanted me to stay on the program to give me the news! Yup! But we’re getting there.

During the course of this conversation, which lasted about 30 minutes, I asked a lot of questions and got some pretty sad answers. Also the woman I was talking to was exhausted because she’s the mother of a young baby, which also made me angry. Not that she’s a mom, but because I knew she was tired and even though she wanted to talk to me because we had been corresponding the whole time, she clearly was not up for this conversation, which could really have been delivered by someone else, namely someone in this nameless, faceless committee who voted me off the island to begin with who probably doesn’t have children and wouldn’t be exhausted at 10:30pm on a Monday night. Another thing that had me livid was that fact that this nameless, faceless committee knows my face and name, but I don’t know theirs? What kind of cowardly shit it that??!! The woman on the phone told me that they were still going to pay me (well of course they were), but then she asked me not to say anything about this, specifically over social media. What??!!! Are you kidding me? So you have to right to just vote me off the show, for really no good and fair reason that I see, I have no say in the decision-making and then you pay me and want me to shut up about the whole thing?? Now, you’re smoking! I promptly told her I couldn’t make any promises on that front. In other words, Fuck That!

Now I ask, what does that sound like to you? I’ll tell you what it sounds like to me. It sounds like some white, male, entitled, patriarchal, misogynistic, cowardly bullshit is what it sounds like. I have absolutely no idea what the faces of the people who voted me off the show look like and honestly that doesn’t even matter, but I know THAT energy when I feel it. I know shady dealing when I see them. I know the shadow masculine when I encounter it. Trust me I know. I’ve been a black woman a long time. I know patriarchy and misogyny like I know my name.

Then came the rant. I got on Facebook at about 3am and let folks know how I was feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like that, but I needed to be loud that night. My feelings required more than my journal.

As a side note, I also found out earlier that day that musicians in the house band, who happened to be all women and transgender (in specific FTM), were being questioned about their affiliation with Michfest artists! Yes you heard me correctly. So now we have also entered into some pseudo-McCarthyism here?! I’m just asking.

Tuesday, March 11th
“Rejection is God’s Protection” was one of the first things I saw that morning on Facebook. Thank you Lord. I was determined that the show must go on. I was ready to sing, the band was ready to play and Shin & Zabu were ready to dance. So I set about the business of erasing myself from Purim. I took down the invite I had put up for the show and changed it to say, “Shelley Nicole’s blaKbüshe: Playing somewhere near you.” I informed people that the show would go on, but at a different venue although I had no idea where that would be. I let the band know what happened and told them that the show would go on. I kept our rehearsal date for Wednesday. Act as if...

That morning as I was riding the train into the City there was a man who was asking for food. Not a new concept on the train, but that morning I actually had some food to give. So I pulled two oranges out of my bag and handed them to the man. He thanked me and just as I was about to sit back and close my eyes I hear a voice say, ”You have another orange for me?” I opened my eyes and it was my friend Daniel. I started to laugh, but before I could really get it out, the man I handed the fruit to offered one of the oranges I gave him, to my Daniel. Saying, “Hey man, you can have one of mine, I have two.” Let me tell you something; that made my whole day. That man was clearly down on his luck, but he still offered one of his oranges to someone he thought was in need. That was such a lesson in giving. I needed that. People on the train also noticed the man’s generosity. It was a powerful moment on an otherwise mundane morning commute.

Later that night, after teaching yoga, I went to see Kelly and keep working on what I was going to wear for the show. Act as if...

Wednesday March 12th
My fourth emotion kicked in on this morning; sadness. I went to pick up my check from two reps from the Purim committee. They were there with a check and flowers. One woman said, “Here are some flowers. You can do with them what you please.” I promptly told her that the flowers didn’t do anything to me so I would put them in water where they belong. Then I headed to teach yoga, but before I could get into class I finally cried. I called my friend Ian and just let it all out. That was my sad moment. I just want to make music. It shouldn’t be all that deep, but some people really make it a challenge. I was upset because people are sad out here in the world, miserable really. So they inflict their misery upon others in an attempt to feel better about themselves and I got caught up in some of that. I knew everything was going to be alright, but I needed to cry especially since I felt myself getting sick and I knew it was because of all the anger I holding and not releasing. So standing on a street corner in Brooklyn I did just that; released. After my cry, I pulled myself together and went to teach.

Later that day I posted what is now somewhat my mantra: “I am an artist and a healer. I go where both are required. I am necessary.” That day I solidified a venue for the show. I spoke to DeeArah at Freebrook Spaces and she said that the 15th was open so I could have the main room for my show. At that moment I put the word out that the Boycott Show was happening on the 15th. I didn’t have all the details, but things were moving.

Freebrook is a raw space so I needed sound and a drum kit. I called my man Dexter because I knew he had everything. Thank Goddess he was free that night and able to provide the sound. Now we were cooking with gas!

Later that night I had band rehearsal and gave them a short press conference so everyone understood what had transpired. Only the women in my band have been to Fest so the men needed some clarity about what was going on. After that meeting we got to work on the show. Onward!  Late that night I got home and posted on Facebook the details of what would be The Boycott Show and then even more magic happened.

Thursday March 13th
The word started spreading like wildfire. Once people found out that I was kicked off of the Purim event because I was headlining Michfest the festival community and my personal community came out of the woodwork to support me and honestly I was blown away.

As I stated above, this year will make my 8th festival. When I went to Michfest for the first time with Hanifah all those years ago I had no idea that I would attend 8 years in a row. There have been many years that I thought about not going, but then something would pull me there. I know what that something is, but it’s still amazing to me. It doesn’t take much to fall in love with the Festival. It only took one shot for me. But what became abundantly clear for me in light of these events, is how much we are family. I know fundamentally that these women are a part of me, but now I’m a super clear. I have no doubt in my mind that if the ship is going down, one of these ladies is going to throw a lifeline or better yet, bust a flaming arrow in someone’s ass! LOL! I’m not saying that Michfest is utopia because like any other family we have our squabbles, but at the end of the day, when the shit hits the fan, folks show up!

From Thursday to Sunday I was riding a love wave. Before all of this happened I went to see Nona Hendryx at Joe’s Pub on the 9th. She has a song that I LOVE called “Let’s Give Love a Try.” I downloaded that joint and listed to it every day, many times a day during that week. It really kept me going. Simple words, but very powerful. A simple thing to try, but many of us don’t give it a shot. Remember love does not mean backing down, it means showing up. Love is a verb!

Friday March 14th
The word was spreading fast and the love was rolling in spiritually, physically and monetarily. Then my girl Nedra asked me about streaming the event live for people who wanted to see it who were not in New York. I didn’t have the energy or the head space to make that happen, but then in walked Leo. She saw Nedra’s post and said she would come to the show and cover the live stream! What??!! When I said these women show up, I was not playing! Houston, we have live stream.

When Sara (another woman from Fest) found out that we were going to stream she set up a PayPal account specifically for people who wanted to “buy tickets” to the show to support the band! Genius! So many people were sharing the invite on Facebook! It was a true community effort. We can’t do this alone people. We really can’t.

Saturday March 15th
That morning I woke to a full list of errands to run before the show. I didn’t have to teach that day so I was free to take care of myself.

First things first, I got my hair cut and then got my brows done. I had a few other errands in between before heading to Kelly’s for my final outfit decisions. After that I actually had time to go home and chill. I did a final push for the show letting people know that there would be a ustream link coming soon, but it was really time to clear the mind a bit an reflect on the week.

When it was time to head to the venue I packed all my things and began my walk to Freebrook, which is not far from my house. It was a pretty nice night so I could take my time getting there and take those final moments to get clear about what was about to happen. I have played a lot of shows, but I knew that night was going to be special. Also anytime you play a show that intimate it has to be special. Freebrook is a mansion that has been converted to community space. So we were basically performing in the parlor.

Set up was coming along and slowly people were rolling in. I left everything in Dexter’s care and went upstairs to change my clothes. Everything was in order.

Right before I took the stage I came downstairs to see Vernon Reid at the door. I gave him a big hug and then almost right behind him was Toshi! She said she couldn’t stay, but came to support. Yes! When I came downstairs the room was packed! It was overflowing really.

I took the stage and looked around the room and the diversity was amazing. Besides my friends and fam there was a whole Japanese contingent that came to see Shin and Zabu! It was the United Colors and Flavors up in there.

We kicked off the show with “Go Head & Rise” as there was really no other way to begin. The song says, “Most times you gotta go through to get to the other side/sometimes you gotta dig deep pull out what you’re trying to hide/sometimes you gotta look up and let the sun on you shine/dry your eyes child, go head and rise!” That’s what I had to do that week. I had to go head and rise because I was not gonna to let nobody turn me around. As my other song, “I am American” says; there’s “too much blood under my feet!”

The show was amazing if I do say so myself. Shin and Zabu ended up dancing to “In Your View” and our uptempo version of “Long Train Running” by the Doobie Brothers. It was killin’! I even danced with them a little bit. Just a little bit. LOL. I didn’t do a whole lot of talking about what got us to that point; I just let the music be my press conference.

 

We closed the show with “Power on the Floor,” which was also very appropriate. The chorus says, “If you recognize you’re on the ground, you can get up.” What that means is that if you are present to the fact that you are down then you can get up. It’s about being present. So nothing can really hold you down if you are present to what is happening around you or what is coming at you. I danced by myself to that song for a while. I talked for a while. It was a bit of a Holy Ghost moment. Give thanks.

When the show was over I got to love up all my folks who came out to support me in person. It was really a house of love. It was hands down one of the best nights of my career, and something changed in me after that day. I have always been a push through kind of chick, and though it looks like that is what I did here as well, it was actually something different; a different spirit riding me. Yes, I kept going in the face what could have been a really sad situation, but it hit me a little bit deeper than that. I’m not quite sure how to explain it all here, but I’ll just say that I’m changed for the better.

Today, Tuesday April 15th
It’s now been exactly a month since the show happened. It’s been a month of triumph and joy. It’s been a month of deep conversations about Festival, trans-inclusion, safe-space and gender issues in general. It’s been a month of waking up almost every morning and going to teach yoga, working a freelance research gig, going to shows, playing shows, witnessing friends get married, lose children and husbands. In other words, life goes on.

One of the many wonderful things that came out of the Boycott Show was a fund set up by Sara for artists who are being harassed about playing Festival. Turns out I am not the only one. In fact some artists have backed out of the festival under pressure or other reasons not known to me, but most of us are staying and playing. Most if not all of the artists who play the festival are independent and as there are people trying to disrupt the livelihood of these artists, we need your support. Sara set up this fund so that artists who are being or have been bullied or harassed can continue to do their work. If you are so moved, please donate to any of this year’s Michfest artists so that we can continue to work with a bit more ease. You can support the artists by sending your donation(s) through PayPal to boycottedartistsfund@gmail.com and specify which artist(s) you would like the funds allocated. You can see a list of artists at www.michfest.com.  If you would like to support me and my band you can donate that way or by going to my site www.blakbushe.com.

 

Taking a slight turn in the topic I pleased to let you know that I am finally looking at studios and we will be going in to record very soon. There has also been a change in production personnel. I am so excited to announce that Vernon Reid will be producing the new project! If you are not familiar with Vernon please go to my page and read about him and if you are moved please donate  as we still need all we can to make this project happen.

I know this blog was extra long (much like my festival blogs) and my apologies if it took a lot out of you, but it took a hell of a lot out of me. LOL! Thank you all for reading and listening. I can’t wait to share all the wonderful things that are on the horizon. Twenty-Fourteen is shaping up to be epic! I’m about to go on tour with Rebellum and we are rolling though the midwest so come see us! I’m going into the studio with blaKbüshe shortly and then I will be on the land.

Thank you for your support and keep supporting independent artists of all kinds. We chose this life, but it’s nothing without you.

Peace!
One Love!
Ase!
Aho!

Thank Yous: My Band (Achuziam, Ki Ki, V. Jeff, Jerome, Matsu, Jeff, Ganessa & Shawn), Shin, Zabu, Kelly Horrigan, Dexter Taylor, Lionel Sanchez, DeeArah Wright, Steph Wiley, Leo Wamsley, Nedra Johnson, Sara St. Martin Lynne, Ashley B, Jimmy, Hemamset, the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival community and all my friends and fam!